3 Genres Better Suited to Taylor Lautner's Talents

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I notice something suspicious about the two genres in which Taylor Lautner has made a name for himself: He's wrong for both of them. As an actor, he's too stilted for leading romantic roles (a la Eclipse, or even Valentine's Day), and he's too unassuming for leading action roles (as in the new Abduction, where he narrowly avoids poking himself in the eye). Quite the conundrum. Even if his shirt-losing prowess is second to none, is it possible that Mr. Lautner hasn't yet discovered the subgenres best suited to his skills? I say yes! Here, Movieline looks into three new arenas for the budding thespian, who undoubtedly does not want to be known as the junior edition of the oversold Sam Worthington.

Sports

When the rumor broke of Lautner's involvement with a Vision Quest remake, I needed to organize my thoughts in a three-ring binder. First of all: Vision Quest? The Matthew Modine wrestling movie remembered mostly for Madonna's cameo? The idea seemed contrived at first, but upon second thought I realized Vision Quest is the perfect cross-section of melodrama and surprisingly compelling athleticism. If Lautner can't exercise his karate comprehension at the cineplex, I hope he dons the singlet, sharpens his Varsity grimace, and engages in neatly choreographed warfare on the mat. He may even capture the angst (and technical skill) of a young brawler better than this year's other wrestling wunderkind, Win Win's Alex Shaffer.

Comic book ensembles

Sure, a comic book ensemble featuring Lautner may have to be a youth-plumbing Origins tale, but I'd sooner trust him as a member of a cartoonish fighting squad than as an action film's sole powerhouse. He's no Shia LaBeouf, dammit -- even though he's accrued twice his muscle mass. I see Lautner as one in a series of Adonises in a G.I. Joe-style film. Or a Power Rangers movie. Whoa, wait -- everything about Taylor Lautner says "Power Ranger." He's exotic enough to play an updated, sun-kissed version of Tommy, the green rogue! His can-do conviction is perfect for saving Angel Grove! He can strike up a romance with his pink-suited companion! Why am I suddenly so sure this movie can happen? I knew we'd find the right forum for his black-belt superpowers. Go, go, Jacob Black!

Teen parodies

Let's take another look at Valentine's Day. It's pretty clear that the barely-there teen duo of Taylor Lautner and Taylor Swift are adrift in this movie, no? They're desperate and unreal, even if they're only half-trying. But in Lautner's case, there's a confused, dopey likability that I associate with the bombastic world of Not Another Teen Movie-style parody. In fact, Lautner's looks are so chiseled and perfect that he's rife for parody anyway. Why not stick him in an over-the-top spoof and let him field wisecracks from the wolf-hating burnouts? As Robert Pattinson proved at the MTV Movie Awards, Lautner is up for Twihard-mocking hysteria. He's self-deprecating, and he gets it. Now it's time he starred in something where he proves both.



Comments

  • Tommy Marx says:

    Back a few years ago, I had to visit my roommate at the school she worked at for some reason. I was dressed in blue - jeans and a royal blue sweatshirt - and Kandra introduced me to her students as her friend Tommy. Later that day, when she got home, she told me several of her students asked me if I was one of the Power Rangers.
    Life is so cool!

  • alexa says:

    wtf tommy, your answer has nothing to do with the damn article

  • kevin says:

    You forgot porn. He would be perfect for porn.

  • Furious D says:

    Back in the old days of Hollywood they'd put him in a war movie as the eager young private in an ensemble cast squad led by a crusty veteran played by either Lee Marvin, or John Wayne.
    That way he'd get some on screen time, without having the weight of being the lead, and hopefully get some seasoning by osmosis from his more experienced cast-mates.
    And that is how you make a comment that has something loosely connected to the topic at hand.

  • Michael says:

    LMFAO @ Alexa that response has me in stitches.

  • Dan Tralder says:

    By that, I assume you mean his acting skill.

  • j'accuse! says:

    And in the new old days of Hollywood, he could be Lance in Apocalypse Now.
    You know how hard it is to find a surfboard you like!

  • Tommy Marx says:

    Louis thought Taylor would be perfect as a Power Ranger. That reminded me of the time a bunch of third graders thought I was a power ranger. Get over yourself. Damn, I'd hate to see you if someone forgot to salt your scrambled eggs.

  • Tommy Marx says:

    By the way, I do apologize to anyone who was stigmatized by my earlier comment. I will be happy to pay for what I assume will be countless hours of therapy and dedicated hospice care. I often forget that random comments can do irreparable damage to people in stitches and such, and as misguided indignation is one of the top three killers of stupid people in the world today, I should have been much more cautious about leaving a comment on an entertainment site blog.
    I only thank Satan my true Lord that I did not leave the post on Fox News as I had originally planned.
    The only thing dumber than a post about a questionably challenged actor with squinty eyes and awesome abs (which pretty much sums up 94.2% of actors) is reading a post by a cute and often hilarious blogger about what movie roles said squinty abs boy would be appropriate to play.
    Correction. the only thing dumber than everything already stated is that people would actually be offended, to the point of cussing and such (lords a mercy!), that my purposely random comment on squinty abs boy would be so offensive.
    Thank the gods I didn't suggest that he drink the blood of John Wayne's corpse or appear in a blind porn movie about people with squinty eyes and toned abs. I could only imagine the amounts of money I would have to pay Alexa and Michael in what would probably be a futile attempt to help them recover from the horror.
    And by the way, Louis the cutie? Tyler would be perfect as the guy in horror movies who decides to have sex with his girlfriend in a deserted cabin in the woods minutes after his best friend ends up with a machete in his head.
    Just a thought.

  • Michael says:

    LMFAO I was just laughing at the way she reacted and what you wrote.I got confused at first as well until I read back and saw they mentioned Power Rangers lol Sorry dude.

  • Tommy Marx says:

    No sorry necessary. Just kind of amazed that someone would be so upset that I left a random comment that she would get seriously upset at me for it. I'd hate to see some of her responses on Entertainment Weekly.

  • Tommy Marx says:

    wtf alexa, your indignation has nothing to do with the damn article

  • Michael says:

    I don't know about you but Im scared waiting to see what she says. *runs and hides*

  • radii says:

    you left out gay porn

  • Tommy Marx says:

    wtf michael, your fear has nothing to do with the damn article

  • Kayla says:

    I am now not positive where you are getting your info, however great topic. I must spend some time studying much more or figuring out more. Thank you for excellent info I was looking for this information for my mission.

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