Bad Movies We Love: Cool World

2. The advent of Brad Pitt: Sexual Dork

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The perks of Brad Pitt's performance in Cool World: He doesn't have lame River Phoenix hair yet, his face is good at symmetricality, and Tyler Durden would beat him up. The downfalls of Brad Pitt's performance in Cool World: He has trouble conveying "fun," he seems embarrassed most of the time, and he pretends to be a sexually frustrated 'toon lover. Allow me to floor you with some of his horndoggy quips: "She's a doodle and I'm not"; "I'm like a plug without a socket!"; "You keep your pencil in your pocket, know what I mean?" He even threatens, "I'll slap you around and make you piss like a puppy." Thelma and Louise would've bodyslammed this trick.

1. Is it summer again already? Because Kim Basinger's taking us to camp.

Even among the clusters of pretty-much-masturbating cartoon characters in Cool World, Kim Basinger's Holli Would stands out as emptily sensual. We're supposed to be entranced with her in the tradition of Jessica Rabbit, but all we see is a conventional, Monroesque blonde with careening mammaries and a purr. It's a disappointment, but it's redeemed by Basinger's loud, broad, human-form performance. She already has to say cringe-worthy lines like, "Gentlemen prefer blondes!" but Basinger adds about 20 overlays of humiliation with her hammy, Melanie Griffith-in-a-Tennessee-Williams-play delivery. The piled-up hair and cheap white wardrobe are nice touches, too. More like HA Confidential.

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