Jim Carrey Makes Bizarre Video Professing His Love for Emma Stone
There was once a time when Twitter, vlogs, and YouTube didn't exist, and we could dismiss tabloid allegations of celebrity craycray by simply turning away from the register rack at Ralph's. Sometimes I wish those days weren't over. Case in point: Jim Carrey just posted a confessional video wherein he dreams of having children with Emma Stone. Oh my gosh. It's more unnervingly sincere than The Majestic!
Here's a link to the video, as well as a transcript of the Blair Witch Lite confessional:
I just wanted to let you know that I think you're all the way beautiful. Not just pretty, but, you know, smart and kindhearted. And if I were a lot younger, I would marry you, and we would have chubby little freckled faced kids. We'd laugh all day long and go camping and play Yahtzee and tell ghost stories by the fire. And the sex?
Everyday for the rest of your life, you would thank God that I was the appropriate age for you. But I'm not. I'm 49. I have lines on my face, sometimes a little grey in my beard, and it takes me a little longer to pee than it used to. Those are the only discernable signs of aging that I can find so far. Anyway, I just wanted to let you know how I felt. You're pretty special, and I wish you continued success and artistic fulfillment, but most of all, I wish you love and contentment. That's all.
It's a weird, slightly frightening video, yes, but what's unfortunate about it is how Emma Stone will be forced to respond. I don't know, is creepy-public-sphere-leverage the kind of pull Jim Carrey wants as a comic icon? I expect Stone to reply blithely with, "Wish he could go back in time and 'Eternal Sunshine' that video!" sometime soon.