Who Said It: Lars Von Trier or Charlie Sheen?

Really, in the end, what's the difference between Lars von Trier and Charlie Sheen? One lost his heavyweight Cannes status because of a bad joke; the other lost his heavyweight TV-star status because he was tired of telling bad jokes. One went on a "Violent Torpedo of Truth" tour; the other made Antichrist. Both are known to declaim grand artistic statements to their Web cams. Both experienced unconventional liberal upbringings. Both have mutual, sympathetic interests in porn and porn actors (at least according to a new interview with one -- no peeking!). They've both made award-winning films, and they've both made career-threatening debacles. And ultimately, they'll both say pretty much anything. But can you deduce which maverick said what in Movieline's quote quiz?

1. "I want to be surrounded by porn people who love me for what I am, who say, 'Where do you want the erection, where do you want the penetration.' Where it's not complicated. There wouldn't be a porn star running out there saying '[redacted] said this or [redacted] said that.'"

2. "For now, I'm just going to hang out with these two smoking hotties and fly privately around the world. It might be lonely up here, but I sure like the view."

3. "If you tell a man what to do in real life, to which extent is it reality and to which extent are you in control?"

4. "I've got volumes on how not to behave. I've got more information now than a guy should have at my age."

5. "Here's the good news. If I realize that I'm insane, then I'm okay with it. I'm not dangerous insane."

6. "I grew up in a culturally radical home, where strong emotions were forbidden."

7. "Dad kept us out of school, but school comes and goes. Family is forever."

8. "I try to be known more for my work than for anything else."

9. "I just don't want to live like I used to. And at some point, I'm going to put a gag order on myself in terms of talking about the past. I've got to slam the door and deal with the present and the future."

10. "All apologies to me are nonsense. It's saying 'I did something wrong,' but what does that help? I think it makes the whole situation much worse."

11. "It's always been a lie that it's difficult to make films."

12. "I'm happy that I'm alive. I feel like someone coming back from Vietnam, you know; I'm sure that later on I'll start killing people in a square somewhere, but right now, I just feel happy to be alive."

13. "Usually in a battle sequence when a bomb is going off, you forget you're acting."

14. "You either love or you hate. You live in the middle, you get nothing."

15. "I don't care what people think of me."

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  • This is brilliant.
    Charlie and Lars: now you know you have to work together on your next project. Venice or Berlin will be glad to premiere. If not, there's always AVN. Also, Mel just called. Said he might be interested in a cameo.

  • Hey, can I get a part?

  • Juliet says:

    Love Charlie Sheen and Lars Von Trier, two really great artists who yeah own their provocation (are artists not made to do that ?) even if Lars maybe went a bit too far..anyway i would kill (figure of speech of course..now we have to be very careful with words it seems..) to see a Lars Von Trier movie with Charlie Sheen..a dream comes true for me..while i am waiting for it i will go watching Melancholia..seems to be very good.