What Should Be The Weinstein Company's First Video Game?
A tremendous week of news deserves no less a finale than this: The Weinstein Company is going into the video-game business. "The TWC Games label will utilize The Weinstein Company and Dimension Films' strong and recognizable properties, and work with external partners to develop and publish video games for mobile, social, and console platforms," announced a press release, punctuated by Bob Weinstein's observation: "With all of the digital platforms, there are so many opportunities to broaden our audience with compelling, high quality, cost-efficient, video game entertainment." No kidding! But what should come first?
How about these for starters:
· Gunn 2012: Make it Work
OBJECTIVE: In the vein of John Madden's perennial NFL hit, players compete against each other to design, produce and market a fashion line approved by the digital likeness of Project Runway guru Tim Gunn. This is done by choosing frequently updated fabrics, patterns, styles, cuts, accessories and liberal applications of backbiting snark. The highest annual scorer worldwide receives a berth on the next season of the show.
· Harvey Scissorhands for Wii
OBJECTIVE: Travel to Sundance, Cannes, Toronto and other select film festivals with limited budget in search of the most appealing acquisition titles. Outlast all-night bargaining sessions for top films, then use the controller to snip, slash, shelve, cut and/or awards-campaign on behalf of your crop of releases. Achieve the highest gross and most awards recognition you can with the smallest combination of delayed films, filmmaker frustration and promotional outlay.
· Dance Dance Revolution: Nine
OBJECTIVE: Out-dance the principal cast of Nine, from sand-tossing Fergie (level one) to showstopping Penélope Cruz (level seven). Add a karaoke component for the full, sense-shattering Nine experience.
· ReleaseQuest™: Shanghai
OBJECTIVE: Choose your character -- star John Cusack, director Mikael Hafstrom, or Harvey Weinstein himself -- and battle your respective foe in an attempt to either get your long-shelved romantic-historical drama into theaters or lock your one-time awards hopeful into permanent Stateside limbo. (Note: Can also be updated according to contemporary or historical TWC shelves, thus reflecting ReleaseQuests™ from Factory Girl to The Road to Hoodwinked 2 and beyond.)
· Piranha: Choose Your Own Lake
OBJECTIVE: It's fairly common knowledge that the fictional party lake where Piranha 3-D's predators lurked was modeled after (and in fact shot at) Lake Havasu, Ariz. but what if you don't want to go all the way to Arizona to fend off the flesh-devouring fish? Maybe saving Chicago's popular Lake Michigan beachfronts is more your speed, or maybe you're up for clearing Minnesota's land of 10,000 lakes of penis-spitting little devils. Weinstein Games should be about making the challenge suit you, not the other way around.
· Ratings Hero
OBJECTIVE: Kind of like Guitar Hero, except you go in front of an anonymous, random "ratings board" of other players and hit all the precedents and beats that will influence them to overturn unsavory ratings on films like Blue Valentine and Miral.
· The Reader: Multi-Shooter Edition
OBJECTIVE: Your guess is as good as mine, but I think we can all agree this movie needed more gunfights.