25 Ways To Get Hollywood To Make a Biopic About You
Nearly fifty years after the tragic murder of Sam Cooke -- the "King of Soul," whose musical contributions and Civil Rights successes continue to inspire todat -- it looks like Hollywood is just one step closer to adapting his story into a biopic. This hesitant pace -- when it comes to one of the greatest soul singers of all time -- begs the question: "What the hell does it take to get a biopic made these days?" 25 answers to this all-important question lie ahead.
1. Kick your crack cocaine addiction and coach your half-brother to a welter-weight title.
2. Try life as a brilliant Austrian composer who is rich in fame but poor in finances. (Alternative: Become an Austrian composer who is bitterly jealous of former famous composer.)
3. Become the Queen of England.
4. Adopt a speech impediment and become the King of England.
5. Try being an eternally optimistic, cross-dressing film director who surrounds himself with strange characters.
6. Become a sadomasochistic middleweight boxer with mafia connections, rage issues and a habit of quoting Brando.
7. Research and write the tale of two lowlife criminals who savagely killed an entire family in Kansas.
8. Lead the tribes of Arabia against the Turks in World War II.
9. Time travel back to the '70s and become an openly gay politician in San Francisco.
10. Find a job as a chemical technician and attempt to expose your employing nuclear plant's many safety violations.
11. Invest in a push-up bra and win a $333 million class action settlement.
12. Adopt a morphine addiction and become the most popular French singer of the 20th century.
13. Succumb to severe obsessive-compulsive disorder and transform into a reclusive aviation pioneer/film producer.
14. Go undercover as a New York City cop who tries to take on his own police department.
15. Lead India's independence movement.
16. Find work as a brave 13th century Scottish knight during the First War of Scottish Independence.
17. Get a gig as a minimum-wage cotton mill worker who fights for unionization.
18. Degrade women (who want to be degraded) on your radio show and give yourself the title of "King of All Media."
19. Resign from your U.S. presidency after Watergate.
20. Become a nun and help a difficult death row prisoner find inner peace.
21. Experiment with postmodernist/neo-expressionist art and become friends with Andy Warhol.
22. Try life as an eccentric-but-successful U.S. general in World War II.
23. Infiltrate a mafia family as an FBI agent.
24. Establish yourself as the most influential personality of the silent-film era.
25. Sing country music.
Bonus points from your editors here at Movieline if you can guess the above movies from their descriptions. Have at it.
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Comments
I do not know all of them, but here are the ones I think I know:
2. Amadeus
3. Every movie about either of the queens elizabeth (or Victoria)
4. Kings Speech
5. Ed Wood
8. Lawrence of Arabia
9. Milk
12. La vie en rose
15. Ghandi
16. Braveheart
18. good morning vietnam (?)
19. frost Nixon
21. pollock
24. Chaplin
Filling in the blanks...
1. The guy in The Fighter (I haven't seen it yet since I am dependent on Netflix out here in the hinterlands and it has been listed for days as LONG WAIT! grrrr)
6. Raging Bull - I'm too lazy to look up the boxer's name. He was a thug. One of my favorite films tho.
7. Truman Capote
10. The Meryl Streep movie -- I'll probably think of her name right before I fall asleep tonight
11. The movie that Julia Roberts won her Oscar for
13. Howard Hughes (c'mon Anonymous -- how'd you miss that one!?)
14. Serpico (see, I'm old!)
17. Sounds like Norma Rae.
18. Isn't that Howard Stern? or the cowboy-hat guy, Don Imus?
20. Susan Sarandon's Oscar winning role. Opposite Sean Penn.
21. No, I think this is Basquiat (hey, a black person!)
22. Patton! (Oh my god, I *am* old!)
23. Brasco (is that his name? played by Mr. Cheekbones, Johnny Depp)
25. Too many to name.
Um, but you left out Ray Charles, Muhammad Ali and many other black folk. What, they don't count??
1) The Fighter
2) Amadeus
3) Elizabeth
4) The King's Speech
5) Ed Wood
6) Raging Bull
7) Capote / Infamous
8) Lawrence of Arabia
9) Milk
10) I've no idea
11) Breast Men (?)
12) La Vie en Rose
13) The Aviator
14) Serpico
15) Ghandi
16) Braveheart
17) Norma Rae
18) Private Parts
19) Nixon
20) Dead Man Walking
21) Pollock
22) Patton
23) Donnie Brasco
24) Chaplin
25) Walk the Line
Filling in my own blanks...
6. Jake LaMotta. I knew his name was in the recesses of my brain somewhere.
10. Silkwood (Karen Silkwood)
11. Erin Brokovich
Also, in the spirit of some missing pieces, how about:
26. Be a talented jazz musician/singer/blues singer/musician/r&b singer/musician/rock singer/musician with a hopeless drug problem.
27. Be the father of our country, a signer of the Declaration of Independence, or some other guy in a wig.
28. Be a writer of children's books, poetry, plays, political journalism, ETC.
Um, I kinda think the list is endless. They even made a movie about the guy who invented windshield wipers, for chrissake.
First time I thought that "Ebert's Little Movie Glossary" could use an update . . .
In reply to:
"13. Howard Hughes (c'mon Anonymous -- how'd you miss that one!?)"
I knew I forgot one, and I believe that movie is called The Aviator
Someone spoil it for me. Can I do it by taking bong-hits on the couch and playing COD?
Darn at this rate I will NEVER get a Biopic made about me : (
"8. Lead the tribes of Arabia against the Turks in World War II. "
Er, you don't have editors where you work? This kind of mistake is really, really, really, tiring to point out.
Please check Wikipedia for your own good.
15. It's 'Gandhi' not Ghandi.. we Indians tend to take take it a bit personally. 🙂
Someone spoil it for me. Can I do it by taking bong-hits on the couch and playing COD?
Is there some sort of sliding scale to go with this list? SCORE: 15 += Wide Release; 10-15 =Boutique Studio with modest budget; 5-10 indie production with Oscar "Consideration" campaign; 1-5 Sundance release and pray for rights purchase.
I think 10 is Silkwood.
These are good .... but how about ....
Join the Nazi party and save hundreds of Jews (Oskar Schindler/Schindler's List)
Become one of baseball's greatest players, and then succumb to a disease that will be named for you. (Lou Gehrig/Pride of the Yankees)
Save a couple of lions in Kenya (Joy Adamson/Born Free)
Save the lives of gorillas in Rwanda (Diane Fossey/Gorillas in the Mist)
Save the lives of people in Rwanda (Paul Rusesabagina/Hotel Rwanda)
Be the first of your dynasty (Henry II/The Lion in Winter)
Be the last of your dynasty (Pu Yi/The Last Emperor)
Lawrence led the tribes of Arabia against the Turks during World War I, not World War II. He was killed in a motorcycle accident in 1935, four years before World War II even started.
Don't forget "Tucker".
The guy who invented that car that had a dozen safety features that was decades ahead of its time, only to have the Big 3 squash his car, just like they squashed the electric car for over 20 years until the price of gas became unbearable.
Or, you could make a movie about the guy that made the intermittent windshield wiper. That flick was a nailbiter.
^5
Kill someone (Chopper, Wonderland, Public Enemies). Better yet, kill loads of people (Henry VIII, Monster, numerous Hitler/Che films, every other TV movie). If that's not your style you can always just claim you killed a bunch of people, they go for that too (Confessions of a Dangerous Mind).
When you make a list like this, it should be generalized things to do, and list movies that go with it.
1. Be a Musician - "Walk the Line" "Ray" "The Doors"
2. Be a Comedian - "Chaplin" "Man on the Moon"
3. Be a Politician - "Milk" "Frost/Nixon" "JFK"
4. Civil Rights Leader - "Malcolm X" "Invictus" "Gandhi"
5. Be a Sports Legend - "Raging Bull" "Miricle" "The Natural"
6. Be Royalty - "The Queen" "Kings Speech" "Queen Elizabeth"
7. Be a Millionaire - "The Aviator" " Citizen Kane"
8. Be the Police - "Untouchables" "Public Enemies" "Scorpio"
9. Lead a Revolution - "Braveheart" "Spartacus"
10. Fight A War - "Gettysberg" "Saving Private Ryan" "Black Hawk Down"
etc.
1) The Fighter
2) Amadeus
3) Elizabeth or The Queen
4) The King's Speech
5) Ed Wood
6) Raging Bull
7) Capote / Infamous
8) Lawrence of Arabia
9) Milk
10) Silkwood
11) Erin Brockivic
12) La Vie en Rose
13) The Aviator
14) Serpico
15) Ghandi
16) Braveheart
17) Norma Rae
18) Private Parts
19) Nixon
20) Dead Man Walking
21) Pollock
22) Patton
23) Donnie Brasco
24) Chaplin
25) Walk the Line, Cole miners daughter e.c.t
1) The Fighter
2) Amadeus
3) The Queen
4) The King's Speech
5) Ed Wood
6) Raging Bull
7) Capote
8) Lawrence of Arabia
9) Milk
10) Silkwood
11) Erin Brockavitch
12) La Vie en Rose
13) The Aviator
14) Serpico
15) Ghandi
16) Braveheart
17) Norma Rae
18) Private Parts
19) Nixon
20) Dead Man Walking
21) Basquiat
22) Patton
23) Donnie Brasco
24) Chaplin
25) Walk the Line, Coal Miner's Daughter
1 - Academy Award-winner Christian Bale.
2 - Academy Award-nominee Tom Hulce (alternatively, Academy Award-winner F. Murray Abraham).
3 - Academy Award-winner Helen Mirren.
4 - Academy Award-winner Colin Firth.
5 - Non-Academy Award-nominee Johnny Depp.
6 - Academy Award-winner Robert De Niro.
7 - Academy Award-winner Philp Seymour Hoffman.
8 - Academy Award-nominee Peter O'Toole.
9 - Academy Award-winner Sean Penn.
10 - Academy Award-nominee Cher.
11 - Academy Award-winner Julia Roberts.
12 - Academy Award-winner Marion Cotillard.
13 - Academy Award-nominee Leonardo DiCaprio.
14 - Academy Award-nominee Al Pacino.
15 - Academy Award-winner Ben Kingsley.
16 - Academy Award-nominee Mel Gibson.
17 - Academy Award-winner Sally Field.
18 - Never-will-be-Academy Award-nominated Howard Stern.
19 - Academy Award-nominees Anthony Hopkins and Frank Langella.
20 - Academy Award-winner Susan Sarandon.
21 - Val Kilmer.
22 - Academy Award-winner George C. Scott.
23 - Once again, non-Academy Award-nominee Johnny Depp.
24 - Academy Award-nominee Robert Downey, Jr.
25 - Academy Award-winners Reese Witherspoon and Sissy Spacek.
HA HA HA HA that just makes it more interesting to see and who can do all that better WHITE CELEBRITIES OR THE BLACK ONES