What If We Awarded Oscars Based on Nominees' Potential Acceptance Speeches?
Everybody has their own fantasy version of the Academy Awards. Often it involves awards going to the most deserving films instead of the ones with the right combination of hype, box-office, broad appeal, social and emotional "importance" and so on. But personally, I'm just always hoping for the best acceptance speeches; the ones that pull the heart strings, cause waves of controversy or just inject the often self-important proceedings with a much-needed a shot of life. So, all forgone conclusions aside, let's take a look at which nominees should win based solely on their potential acceptance speeches.
2. Inside Job
3. Exit Through the Giftshop
5. Waste land
Notes: After all of the speculation, I am hoping Banksy does not show up in a gorilla mask. I want something even more wild and surprising, something like a Mr. Brainwash mask, a robot suit, a helicopter, a huge puff of smoke etc.
Best Foreign Film:
2. In a Better World
3. Outside the Law
Notes: It's a tough call, but since Dogtooth is by far the most bizarre nominee, it stands to reason that the filmmakers would potentially have the most surprising speech.
1. Tom Hooper, The King's Speech
2. David Fincher, The Social Network
3. Darren Aronofsky, Black Swan
4. Joel and Ethan Coen, True Grit
5. David O. Russell, The Fighter
Notes: Honestly, I just like the idea of giving it to the one guy who doesn't seem to care about the award at all. Sure, maybe he will be low-key and civil, but there's always a chance of a memorable, passive-aggressive speech along the lines of Eddie Vedder's amazing Grammy acceptance.
Best Supporting Actor:
1. Christian Bale, The Fighter
2. Geoffrey Rush, The King's Speech
3. Mark Ruffalo, The Kids Are All Right
4. John Hawkes, Winter's Bone
5. Jeremy Renner, The Town
Notes: See David Fincher.
Best Supporting Actress:
1. Hailee Steinfeld, True Grit
2. Melissa Leo, The Fighter
3. Helena Bonham Carter, The King's Speech
4. Jacki Weaver, Animal Kingdom
5. Amy Adams, The Fighter
Notes: I am contractually obligated to make this choice, even in fantasy scenarios. Also, this.
1. Colin Firth, The King's Speech
2. Jesse Eisenberg, The Social Network
3. Javier Bardem, Biutiful
4. Jeff Bridges, True Grit
5. James Franco, 127 Hours
Notes: After so many surprises from James Franco, it'd be nice to see how he reacted when he was surprised himself. Also, his speech would be the most likely to feature singing, dancing or bizarre performance art.
1. Natalie Portman, Black Swan
2. Annette Bening, The Kids Are All Right
3. Jennifer Lawrence, Winter's Bone
4. Michelle Williams, Blue Valentine
5. Nicole Kidman, Rabbit Hole
Notes: Benning seems lovely in real life and after she's come close to winning multiple times, her speech will likely be deeply felt and possibly make you cry.
1. The King's Speech
2. The Social Network
3. Black Swan
4. True Grit
5. The Fighter
6. Winter's Bone
8. The Kids Are All Right
9. Toy Story 3
10. 127 Hours
Notes: I wanted to go for the underdog here, since giant surprises often bring the most memorable speeches. But there are at least eight underdogs. So I'm just picking the film that probably the least number of people saw, though I suspect any number of those eight would be completely thrown for a loop.