Weekend Forecast: Happy President's Day! Hollywood Hates You

I think it was Abraham Lincoln who said, "A man in a frock is a box-office lock." Or was that Franklin Roosevelt? I get them confused sometimes. I do know that our current president Barack Obama famously uttered the enduring proverb, "Holy Christ, they made another Big Momma movie? Michelle, hide the girls!" And you don't even want to know what he said about the rest of the President's Day weekend's multiplex line-up. Let's break it down as quickly and painlessly as possible:


· I Am Number Four: Based on the young-adult bestseller, the film features Alex Pettyfer as a hunted alien high-school loner with headlights in his hands and convoluted video-game narrative for a life. Dianna Agron co-stars, which means $7 million in Glee freak business off the bat; add another $7 million for the Michael Bay connection. The rest will come from young fans of the book who will probably kick themselves for not just staying home and reading. FOUR-DAY FORECAST: $30.6 million

· Unknown: I see this cast -- Liam Neeson, January Jones, Aidan Quinn, Frank Langella, Diane Kruger and Bruno Ganz -- and think, "Damn, was this was a missed opportunity or what?" But then I realize they all got their checks and they all cleared and opportunity was indeed capitalized upon and now it's your problem. To paraphrase Neeson's character, I am bitterly jaded. FOUR-DAY FORECAST: $24.8 million

· Big Mommas: Like Father Like Son: Speaking of opportunity, here's your big chance to hold me I'm terrrrrrfied. [Weeps into coffee, switches to bourbon.] Michelle Orange will be giving us the lowdown on this one later today and I. Can't. Wait. FOUR-DAY FORECAST: $20.5 million


Get excited, New York! Jorge Michel Grau's moody Mexican cannibal flick We Are What We Are arrives in art houses, as does the politically tinged explicitly sexual two-hander (ha![?]) Now and Later; the latter screens as part of the Quad's series Unrated: A Week of Sex in Cinema. (Guess who won't be attending that one?) Brad Anderson's rapture-y thriller Vanishing on 7th Street opens as well. Wrestling fans in larger markets can get pumped for Paul "Triple H" Levesque's ex-con farce The Chaperone, and Madonna's original baby daddy Carlos Leon stars in the illegal immigrant-partner swap fizzler Immigration Tango. Happy President's Day?