Gleebasing: Where's the Hate?

HIGH NOTES

· "So sorry for not being sorry about interrupting. But do you mind if I borrow one of your rafters to hang myself?" -- Sue to Emma Pillsbury

· "You're lucky I left my blow gun at home, Airbags, because I've got a clear shot at your nanis." -- Sue to Santana

· Rachel and Mercedes' epic diva-off to the tune of "Take Me or Leave Me" from Rent.

· "No, no. I don't care how depressed I am. I will not date a curly." -- Sue to Will

LOW NOTES

· If you thought it was impossible for Sue Sylvester to be any more of a caricature, you were wrong. In last night's episode she angrily threw students into the hall, ripped off their stupid accessories ("You know how I feel about hats!") before becoming the kind of cold-hearted character whose heart melts during ukelele sing-a-longs. This is not the Sue Sylvester we grew to love!

· No Kurt or Blaine.

· Can we have a more compelling love triangle that does not include Quinn?

GLEE-SARY

Regresar -- (v.) To come back. The one thing that Schue learned in the Spanish class that he was teaching last night.

Sue-icide -- (n.) The act or instance of Sue Sylvester taking her own life voluntarily and intentionally. Only, as any casual Gleebaser knows, Sue Sylvester would never take her own life because she is not weak or emotionally vulnerable -- so any reference to Sue-icide is ultimately part of a devious plan to screw over the New Directions.

Anthem -- (n.) "An epic song, filled with a groundswell of emotion that seems bigger than itself." Alternate meaning: "The bottom of an ant's pants."

Justin Bieber -- (n.) A mini-God who makes chicks melt, even after the post-Valentine's day lull.

POP QUIZ

1. In spite of the fact that she has been absent for over half of season two's episodes, how many suicide notes does Emma Pillsbury miraculously discover in last night's episode?

a) 0

b) 1

c) 2

d) 3

2. What is Sam's idea of a hot Friday night date?

a) Watching paint dry

b) Losing at church bingo

c) Hanging out at the shooting range

d) Painting coasters at Color Me Mine

3. How many gratuitous shots of male abs were shown in last night's episode?

a) 0

b) 1

c) 2

d) 3

4. Did Puck actually say, in reference to Lauren Zizes, "I'd try anything to get into those enormous pants?"

a) Yes

b) No

c) No, and I am appalled that you would even suggest a television character on a Golden Globe-winning series would say that in reference to an overweight character.

d) I don't know. I blacked out after Sam's performance of "Baby."

5. Which of the following was not on Rachel's To-Do list?

a) Celebrate Celine Dion's birthday

b) Friend-request Barbara Streisand again

c) Tutor shrillness at the local middle school

d) Audition for Avatar on Ice

ANSWERS: 1) b; 2) d; 3) c -- Mike Chang showed Tina his abs in the hallway and Lauren Zizes pictures Sam's perfect 6-pack during her performance of "I Know What Boys Like" 4) a; 5) c

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