What is Charlie Sheen Really Trying to Say in His Press Release?
As you might have heard, Charlie Sheen has released a statement about his recent drug-and-porn binge and the subsequent rehab that has shut down production on the megahit Two and a Half Men. While it's pretty obvious to anyone observing the situation that Sheen is anything but sorry, the actor did make a vague attempt to explain his plan to correct the situation. Actually, no -- this might be the most cryptic press release in the history of press releases. As a service, Movieline has translated and annotated Sheen's official statement where possible:
"I have a lot of work to do to be able to return the support I have received from so many people."
I can't put my humble gratitude into words. Instead, how about you all come by my place in 90 days, maybe around 11 p.m.? BYOC.
"I want to say 'thank-you' to my fellow cast members, the crew of Two and a Half Men, and everyone at CBS and Warner Bros..."
Your discretion was appreciated, Angus, but look: You're going to be 18 years old this year. There comes a time in every boy's life that he walks in on a man snorting an eight-ball off the back of a manatee.
"...especially Les Moonves and Bruce Rosenblum for their concern and support."
Les, Bruce, did you happen to see the ratings for last week's episode? I should point out, that was a repeat of Two and a Half Men. What do you think the ratings will be for Jon Cryer and Half of a Man?
"And to my fans, your good wishes have touched me very much."
I appreciate the Facebook poke, Emilio.
"Like Errol Flynn, who had to put down his sword on occasion..."
I will attempt to keep my dick away from hookers for the next two months.
"I just want to say, 'thank you.'"
Seriously, everyone, f*ck off.
Comments
"And to my fans, your good wishes have touched me very much like Errol Flynn who had to put down his sword on occasion."
Cheeky devil.
Charlie, you forgot to include where we RSVP for the next party.
I think the implication was that you should just show up. I mean, it's happening with or without you anyway.