'That's God': Read Stanley Kubrick's Favorite Joke About Himself

Between the political upheaval in Egypt and a national weather map that looks like a storyboard from Roland Emmerich's 2012, this week is shaping up to be a pretty craptacular one. Just ask Anderson Cooper. So! In an effort to brighten things up, how about you read the funniest Stanley Kubrick joke that Full Metal Jacket star Matthew Modine ever told to the director's face. Take it away, Matt.

One day I said: 'I got a joke for you - you're dead.' [Kubrick] said, 'It's not funny.' I said: 'Let me tell the joke. Steven Spielberg's dead, too.' He said, 'Steven's dead, oh, that's funny.' And I said: 'You're dead and you're up in heaven and Steven Spielberg has just died and he's being greeted at the gate by Gabriel and Gabriel says: 'God's really dug a lot of your movies and he wants to make sure that you're comfortable. If there's anything you need, you come to me, I'm your man.' And Steven says, 'Well, you know, I always wanted to meet Stanley Kubrick, do you think you could arrange that?'

And Gabriel looks at him and says: 'You know, Steven, of all the things that you could ask for, why would you ask for that? You know that Stanley doesn't take meetings.' He says, 'Well, you said that if there was anything I wanted.' Gabriel says: 'I'm really sorry. I can't do that.' So now he's showing him around heaven and Steven sees this guy wearing an army jacket with a beard riding a bicycle. And Steven says to Gabriel: 'Oh, my God, look, over there, that's Stanley Kubrick. Couldn't we just stop him and say hello?' And Gabriel pulls Steven to the side and says, 'That's not Stanley Kubrick; that's God -- he just thinks he's Stanley Kubrick.'

Take it away, instant rimshot!

[via Old Hollywood]