Somebody Please Give Paul Mazursky Money For His 3-D Orgy Idea

Maybe you've been wondering what some of your favorite 70's directors have been up to ever since they stopped making movies. It turns out that in the case of Bob & Carol & Ted & Alice and Blume in Love director Paul Mazursky, he's just been laying low, waiting for someone to give him money to shoot an orgy scene in 3-D. Mazursky recently told The Wall Street Journal: "They want to remake Bob and Carol, and I said, 'If you give me a lot of money upfront and you do the orgy in 3D, I'd be interested.'" Okay, this needs to happen. Here's why.

Granted, the chances range from fair to very good that Mazursky's response was just a tongue-in-cheek satirical jab at Hollywood's increasing reliance on 3-D and remakes and 3-D remakes. But I don't care. This is a great idea. To wit:

1. More directors should consider remaking their own movies.

I don't mean that they should "produce" remakes of their own movies or do the exact same foreign-language movie in English with slightly higher production values. No, I'm talking about directors revisiting previous concepts with a fresh view and whatever wisdom they gained over the years. I'm talking about home run remakes like Alfred Hitchcock's The Man Who Knew Too Much. Sure, it'd be nice if this remake trend ended completely, but keep dreaming. I'd certainly prefer these films to the cash-in, name only remakes that Hollywood keeps shoving down our throats.

2. Studios are already spending massive amounts of money on far less imaginative ideas.

Even if he meant it as satire, this idea does not sound at all absurd given that hundreds of millions are currently being pumped into movies based on board games, movies based on atari games and a McG produced 300-style Christopher Columbus film. Seriously, if studio execs are going to green-light ideas they brainstormed while drunk at 2am, let's have an interesting one. Or at least one that involves a 3-D orgy.

3. The definition of sexual liberation has changed.

This goes a bit with number one, but I'd love to see someone like Mazursky tackle today's attitudes toward sex and love and taboo and so forth. Who knows how things would play out for the characters in modern times! Currently on this front, we've got Friends with Benefits and No Strings Attached. Show them how it's done, Mazursky!

4. Arthouse audiences are getting shafted on this new 3-D technology.

We aren't all old fogies who don't like fun! Just give us one 3-D movie...let us try it out. The surcharges could potentially save American independent cinema.

5. A 3-D Orgy.

Apologies to James Cameron, but if we're really going to push 3-D technology forward, someone needs to up the ante on Alexandre Aja's nude, underwater ballet sequence in Piranha 3-D.