The 9 Most Scathing Critical Responses to Season of the Witch

Forget Yogi Bear and Little Fockers, the Nicolas Cage medieval epic Season of the Witch is currently at 3% on Rotten Tomatoes! But despite the best efforts of critics who actually had to sit through this thing, some of these reviews read like glowing endorsements of an amazing entry to the so-bad-it's-good sub-genre. At the very least, maybe we can look forward to another best-of montage, this time with Ron Perlman head-butting the devil? Join us for a look at the most scathing reviews of the film for more hints of what to look forward to on You Tube.

9. "The stench of plague is all around, unless that's an aroma emanating from the script." - Tim Robey, The Telegraph

8. "The best line belongs to an earnest priest played by Stephen Campbell Moore. In the midst of an exorcism that's lurid enough to approach certifiable looniness, the priest cries, 'We're going to need some more holy water!'" - <a href=">Joe Morgenstern, The Wall Street Journal

7. "This is the kind of movie that entrepreneurs had in mind when they started opening theaters that serve alcohol. It's the kind of movie that 'Mystery Science Theater' would heckle, and that the SyFy Channel would play constantly between showings of Mystery Science Theater. This is how Monty Python and the Holy Grail would have turned out if it had been funny unintentionally instead of intentionally." - Eric D. Snider, Cinematical

6. "Cage and Perlman sleepwalk through the picture with such gusto that you wonder if it might have been less effort to actually, you know, act. Their bored line-readings and one-dimensional affectations scream wooziness, as if the SOTW set were submerged in an anesthetic haze. If there were ever an example of actors flat out not giving a damn, and not caring who knew it, this is it." - Robert Levin, Film School Rejects

5. "We know they won't all make it to their destination. Who lives and who dies doesn't really matter. The ones who survive must face a pack of zombie ninja monks -- and even that isn't nearly as much fun as it sounds." - Christy Lemire, AP

4. "Season of the Witch begins in a Crusade taking place after the Crusades, in a 14th Century for Dummies about as immersive and real as the Ohio State Renaissance Festival." - Nick Pinkerton, LA Weekly

3. "Off the top of my head, I'm guessing that Season of the Witch claims a place in the top five all-time bizarre and pointless homages to art cinema. (No. 1 on that list, now and for all time, has to be the 2001 slasher flick Jason X, with its quotations from Tarkovsky's Solaris.) - Andrew O'Hehir,

2. "It's The Crucible, except with real magic creatures, copious Cage bon mots (to Felson during one clash: 'Whoever slays the most men buys drinks!'), and the incomparably ridiculous sight of Perlman head-butting Beelzebub." - Nick Schager, Slant Magazine

1. "You know I am a fan of Nic Cage and Ron Perlman (whose very existence made the Hellboy movies possible). Here, like cows, they devour the scenery, regurgitate it to a second stomach found only in actors and chew it as cud. It is a noble effort, but I prefer them in their straight-through Human Centipede mode." - Roger Ebert, The Chicago Sun Times


  • T-Rex says:

    It should get at least 50% for inspiring Ebert to say "I prefer them in their straight-through Human Centipede mode."

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