The Great Harry Potter Liveblog Epilogue: Deathly Hallows Diary
Having completed my two-day crash course in the Harry Potter franchise (with a decidedly much better second day than the first) it was time to let my newfound mild knowledge of the Potterverse to be put to the test: It was time to see Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows: Part 1 in the theater.
Now, is this a true liveblog? Since I really couldn't take a laptop into a screening, it's more of a running diary of everything I wrote down as the evening preceded:
[WARNING: SPOILERS FOLLOW (obviously).]
7:35 p.m. The Warner Bros. rep at the press ticket table just yelled at me for not moving up to the table fast enough. He accused me of being in a "Harry Potter daze" Buddy, you have no idea.
7:55 p.m. This line is unbelievable. Everyone in this line is supposed to be press and their guests, but there's no way that there's this much movie press, even in New York. My only guess is that they opened this up to every definition of the word media. I expect at any second to see the editor of the Maneater and the guy who ran the BP Cares Twitter account.
8:08 p.m. The line into the theater was cut right between me and my girlfriend. As I waited for her, the guy working the line yelled at me, "Keep moving buddy. You'll be reunited, this isn't World War II." Yes, nothing breaks the testy mood of a Harry Potter crowd waiting in line like a good Holocaust joke.
8:15 p.m. Granted, it may be because I've watched about 16 hours of Harry Potter movies in the last two days, but I swear that the guy who plays Draco Malfoy is in the concession line right in front of me.
8:18 p.m. I take that back. I refuse to believe that the guy who plays Malfoy would ever order Sno-Caps.
8:22 p.m. Katey Rich from Cinema Blend stopped by my seat to see how I was holding up after the marathon. I thought I presented myself well but she kind of gave me the look that Don gave Anna Draper after he was told that she was dying but Anna wasn't informed yet.
8:25 p.m. The Warner Bros. logo flashes on screen and everyone cheers. This is the world we live in, clapping at studio logos. (As I flash back to cheering for the 20th Century Fox logo in 1999 before The Phantom Menace started.)
8:27 p.m. And now more cheers for the Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows title card. Good grief.
8:28 p.m. Yes, two straight days of watching Harry Potter films and the first guy that pops on the screen -- I have no clue who that is. Time well spent.
8:31 p.m. Voldemort is going off on a tangent about the abomination of mating with mere muggles. I feel a lot of people in this theater agree with him -- not realizing that he's talking about everyone in the theater.
8:39 p.m. A potion is described as tasting like "goblin piss." I truly feel the Harry Potter merchandising team could sell an energy drink called "Goblin Piss" and people would buy it.
8:40 p.m. As we saw in the trailer, there are now multiple Harry Potters. You know, I finally started to make sense of who is who and now they all look exactly like the same guy.
8:42 p.m. Knowing now that a wizard can make their motorcycle fly, I would never, ever use a broom again.
8:50 p.m. Honestly, Ron Weasly looks like he's spent the time in-between Half-Blood Prince and Deathly Hallows on the bench press. The guy looks like he could play linebacker for the Buffalo Bills.
8:59 p.m. Harry is kissing a girl and there are catcalls from the female members of the audience.
9:10 p.m. Considering everything going on, Harry's insistence on attending a wedding seems a little foolhardy. (I was told later that in the book Harry goes to the wedding in disguise -- not the case here.)
9:18 p.m. I am mesmerized by Umbridge's pink dresses. I find it almost impossible to dislike her.
9:31 p.m. Hermione's infamous bloody hand scene. When the first trailer was released a few months ago, Emma Watson's hand was digitally cleaned up for ratings issues. Yes, her hand is very bloody but it is not her blood. Or, in reality, corn syrup and food coloring. Yes, in the United States, a trailer can't be shown before a movie if a 20-year-old girl has corn syrup on her hand.
9:40 p.m. I really feel "spells from a magic wand" should be added to the list of things that could potentially start forest fires.
9:48 p.m. I can't get over the fact that yesterday I was watching a movie where Harry is a little boy and in this movie he has five o'clock shadow for over half the movie.
10:00 p.m. On Nov. 16, 2010, at 10:00 p.m. on the nose, for the first time in my life I was frightened enough by a scene in a Harry Potter movie to the point that I jumped in my seat.
10:05 p.m. You know what I like about the wands? It's not that they can cast spells, it's also that they can do little everyday things like be a flashlight. It's kind of like an iPhone. I'm sure there's a spell that allows the wand to make hilarious fart noises.
10:07 p.m. Harry is stripped down to his underwear and there are more cat calls from the female members of the audience.
10:15 p.m. I'll say this about Deathly Hallows: It's the most self-aware of the seven films. After a cheesy line, the characters will openly mock that same line a few minutes later.
10:20 p.m. Ha, Ron just made a pretty direct reference to Twilight. Yes, this movie is very self-aware.
10:21 p.m. Hermione is telling the Three Brothers, Deathly Hallows story. Playing the role of "death" in this story appears to be General Grievous from Revenge of the Sith. It's nice to see he's still getting work.
10:30 p.m. I'm officially enjoying this film, simply because it's nothing like the first six movies. The formula is gone. No train ride to Hogwarts, no crazy new teacher, no quidditch. When you watch all the films in a row, the formula gets very old. Deathly Hallows has no formula.
10:31 p.m. Harry, Ron and Hermione are running through the forest. Yep, here's your scene from the movie poster.
10:40 p.m. On Nov 16, 2010, at 10:40 p.m., for the first time in my life I was saddened by a scene in a Harry Potter movie.
10:46 p.m. Wait, that's the ending? OK, well, that answers that question; there is no real ending to Part 1 of Deathly Hallows. Well, this is new for me: I have to wait eight months to see the next film. Eh, to tell the truth, I could use the break.