Project Runway Finale Recap: We Have a Winner! And a Problem

Are you prepared for the most epic Project Runway recap of all time? I might not be, but I'm delivering it anyway. Without further ado, let's climb inside our favorite polka dot print and settle in for three darling Lincoln Center collections, the judges' remarks, and a final decision that will leave you breathless in a sexual-humiliation sort of way.

Happy finale! To celebrate, let's begin with some of Gretchen's nonsense: After Tim announces that "some old friends" will greet the three remaining designers at Parsons, Gretchen coos, "I have no idea what to think!" How crazy, Gretchen, because I know exactly what to think: Tim's reacquainting you with the old designers. You have to hang out with them, I bet. Or work with them. No, wait! It's probably the reunited cast of Evening Shade. Never mind. You're right, the possibilities are endless.

Dammit, I was right the first time: Mondo, Gretchen, and Andy arrive at Parsons to find all the eliminated designers assembled in Crate & Barrel chaises and sitting across from Heidi and Tim. Wowwie. Let's look around: There's surly-cool April! Here's crazed church-mouse Ivy! And there's traumatized fourth-place murmurer Michael Costello. And the others, who may as well be muted holograms.

Tim cues up footage of Andy, Gretchen, and Mondo's best and worst work of the season. Inspiring and hilarious, respectively. Afterward, Heidi has a subtle question for Gretchen. "Gretchen, is it true that you are a bitch in real life?" she ponders. "I would like to know. Because you have bitch posture."

Gretchen squeamishly responds, "The funny answer is, 'I'm not a bitch, I just play one on TV.'" She then adds, "And I also think 'strong women' tend to be called 'bitches,' which is unfair."

Oh. Let's clear up the confusion: Gretchen, you are not a "bitch." You're an a**hole. Don't let anyone mix you up again.

Shockingly, cutey Valerie is given a chance to speak. "I think we made ourselves really vulnerable this season," she says, explaining the "success" of season eight. Close: You made yourself susceptible to an editing process that made everyone seem adversarial and angry. That's the Bunim-Murray gold standard. Plus, the cast was full of diagnosable hellcats. But I think that's what you meant by "vulnerability," Valerie. Holler.

The rousing reunion concludes and Tim orders the three remaining competitors to reenter the workroom and make him an un-hideous collection. "Don't send down some Carol Hannah nonsense, you guys," he (mentally) said. "This isn't for laughs anymore, kids. Don't embarrass me."

And for the most part, they don't.

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Comments

  • irene says:

    Other times when a designer made simple "wearable" clothes, they always came out a loser. Now we finally have Mondo who is not only creative, interesting, but he designs very wearable pieces and he loses. I would wear any of his pieces on any day and I am middle aged! I would especially wear his polka dot dress!!! Kors and Garcia were total hypocrites and totally clueless. They have no idea what women like or would wear. They should look for other jobs. I lost all respect for them.

  • MovieRanch says:

    1) The fun, party atmosphere of Project Runway - that I have watched from the very very first show - has been completely absent since leaving Bravo. 2) Yes, the "future of fashion" of most aging women is literally granny diapers but no one wants or needs to be THAT literal. 3) The show should allow fewer constraints for the designers (less jumping through hoops) to have more opportunities to really shine. 4) Gretchen's clothes couldn't have sucked harder. 5) The show of Austin Scarlett and Santino that follows PR is about as retarded as it gets. 6) The old queens of the show (Michael Kors and Nina Garcia) need to step down and into Gretchen's diapers. Heidi, take heed.

  • Lolly says:

    I agree too. I'd given up on PR several seasons ago, but watched this time to cheer a hometown designer (who wasn't in the last three).
    Mondo should have won; I don't get why he didn't.
    Michael Kors? What is wrong with that man? He's old enough to be a grandfather (51) and yet he talks about "old women in shopping malls" with distaste. Who does he think can afford designer clothes? He really came off as an unpleasant person and I'll not buy anything with his name on the label.

  • Crashgrab says:

    Do I think? I say let's not do it next season. I
    done with his sham.

  • Crashgrab says:

    Oh yeah, and Nina should have to wear one of Gretchen's diapers every episode of season 9!

  • lwd01915 says:

    Just saw the finale and think Jen is right-Mondo lost because he sent the polka dot gown down the runway after Michael Kors said he didn't like it and, apparently, M.K.'s ego can't handle that. And to say that Mondo's collection was entering into "teenland" and that Grethcen's is what women want is absurd. I'm 53 and I actually WOULD wear some of what Mondo made. And I would never wear what Gretchen made-I'm not THAT frumpy yet!

  • goober says:

    Let's not forget Nina's Miss Guatemala comment

  • Cookie says:

    What a well-written article! Thanks for stating everything so clearly! Schizophrenic is a very good term to describe this season of Project Runway. Clearly Nina Garcia and Michael Kors did not choose a designer to win for her designs. They had other issues and motives. If I ever watch Project Runway again, Michael and Nina will have to go. This is such a travesty! I dare Nina Garcia to wear one of Gretchen's granny diaper designs in public. I DARE her!

  • Citizen Bitch says:

    I never liked Mondo's clothes. Too Hot Topic. And as for his personality/backstory, Onjina did it first and better.
    I do agree that the judging was notably meaner this season.

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  • Quirky- says:

    "Other times when a designer made simple "wearable" clothes, they always came out a loser. Now we finally have Mondo who is not only creative, interesting, but he designs very wearable pieces and he loses."
    Irene, honey, your argument's right there.

  • Cynthia says:

    I didn't watch the last show because I had heard that Wretchen would win. I was naturally shocked that they would awarded the win to a no talent...I don't think I'll ever watch this corrupt show again. Very disappointing.

  • su says:

    I used to believe Michael and Nina's opinions were, at least, understandable even if I didn't agree with them, which by the way, I usually did. But this season? No. Their opinions of the collections had to have been scripted by some network executive crunching numbers in an office somewhere. I don't know anyone who would wear Gretchen's dull clothes. I'll only believe it when I see Nina in them at some red carpet event! Or Michael in the male version the next time he's interviewed. Come on Lifetime! Do you think we're really that stupid?

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  • Gerri says:

    This show is ridiculous and so are the "judges". Most of which couldn't dress themselves to save their lives. Great designers! Now we can ship your ideas to some third world country to have them manufactured and sell them at a hugely inflated prices to cardboard people like the judges and most of the audience. It's ashame that good human beings can't be on this show. Disgusting people.

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