The Mike & Molly Fat Joke Tracker: 'You Were Eating Corn on the Cob Before You Had Teeth'

On last week's episode of Mike & Molly, peripheral characters compared the two leads to a UPS truck, Shrek, an elephant and Kathy Bates in Misery. Fortunately, for you, CBS primetime viewers, there were plenty more size jokes in the latest installment, "First Kiss." To see whether Chuck Lorre & Co. actually compared one of their stars to Shamu, proceed to the Fat Joke Tracker.

Editor's Note: OK, so none of the leads have been compared to a killer whale yet -- but that joke can't be far behind. Who wants to place a healthy wager? $20 worth of White Castle on me if viewers don't hear some variation of the killer whale/Shamu diss by the end of December.

In last night's episode, "First Kiss," Mike decided to try the "date thing" again (after Molly memorably OD-d on codeine and diet pills last week and fell asleep on a commode in a French restaurant -- XXXL laughs aplenty!). Mike invited her to the bowling alley because he fancied himself a bit of a pro and was anxious to show off. As sitcom luck would have it, Molly was an even better bowler than Mike, a concept that shook Mike to his insecure core.

Mike sulked and drove Molly home immediately. Later, realizing the error of his ways, Mike sought advice from his friend's obese black grandmother. "Oh Mike," wise grandma crowed, "Why is it you boys get so intimidated by us strong women? There ain't nothing more sexy than a secure man who is honest with his woman."

Fast forward through a few punchlines about a "black Gilligan" and "ladies Gillettes" and Mike was back at Molly's house, begging her forgiveness and asking for a second bowling date that would ultimately end in that awkward, clumsy first kiss.

Onto the fat jokes!

"Have you lost some weight? When you bent over to tie your shoes your wallet didn't look like it was trying to bust out of your ass." -- Mike's partner

"I try to look every other way but that thing is in IMAX." -- Mike's partner, on why he can't help but notice Mike's behind

"And for you, big and bountiful?" -- Mike's waiter

"I usually find more food than that under his chair." -- Mike's waiter reacting to Mike's uncharacteristically small order

"When it comes to bowling, you're a chunky white Michael Jordan." -- Mike's partner

"You were eating corn on the cob before you had teeth." -- Molly's mother

"If I could eat just twelve [french fries], this shirt wouldn't look like it was made in an awning store." --Mike, on portion control

"Bring a bucket and a paint roller." -- Mike, on how Molly should prepare to apply his sunscreen

"Big Mike gets b*tchy when he's hungry. Keep a Snickers bar in your purse." -- Mike's waiter, to Molly

"The bowling alley is home court advantage for you. The only place you got left to shine is House of Pies." -- Mike's partner