The Mike & Molly Fat Joke Tracker: 'I Look Like Kathy Bates in Misery'
Apparently the tasteless jokes about White Castle drive-thru deaths did not dissuade you, 12 million Americans, from watching Chuck Lorre's latest CBS sitcom, Mike & Molly last week. And that's fine -- well, not for society at large -- but for you, it's fine. Movieline will continue running its weekly Mike & Molly Fat Joke Tracker so you can relive the best and worst sizest disses from the night before. Note: If you find jokes comparing an obese fellow to Shrek, an elephant and a UPS truck offensive, then you probably will not want to proceed.
In last night's second episode, Mike and Molly overcame their shyness and finally went on that romantic dinner they painstakingly worked towards in the pilot. Like any sitcom "first date" though, there were problems. Mike wore a garish yuletide sweater and Molly chugged so much cough medicine (how was she supposed to know that it contained codeine?!?!) that she had to take a diet pill to stay awake. Yada, yada, yada. Molly talked about her first period, verbally abused a waiter, fell asleep on a toilet and then puked out of a parked car -- but Mike still liked her. Collective...gag? Finally, here are those fat jokes you were promised:
"You're lying. I look like Kathy Bates in Misery." -- Molly, after being told by her mother that she looks good for her first date.
"...completely disregarding the fact that I was 140 pounds in second grade." -- Molly, on her mother's lifelong dream that Molly become a ballerina.
"Swans come in all sizes, potato bug." -- Molly's mom to Molly.
"Most of your clothes fit you like a car cover." -- Mike's best friend on his ill-fitting wardrobe.
"All my clothes pop eventually." -- Mike, on why he doesn't need "an outfit that pops."
"Look at you, you dress like a UPS truck." -- Mike's best friend assesses his largely brown wardrobe.
"You're an autumn and two months of winter." -- Mike's best friend, after Mike says that he wears fall colors because he is "an autumn."
"Help your sister get it together. I'll keep Shrek on ice." -- Molly's mom about stalling Mike waiting downstairs.
"Yeah you don't have to worry about that with me. I don't have a thing for shoes and I would never share cake." -- Mike, on how he would never wear Molly's high heels and feed sponge cake to a delivery man...like Molly's last boyfriend.
"Oh great. I'll grab him a bucket of peanuts." -- Molly's mother, on what she'll feed Mike as a snack.
"Oh no thanks. I consumed a small jungle boy on the way over." -- Mike, on why he does not need a snack.
"What's that supposed to mean? That just because we're two roly polies, we're dessert people?" -- Molly, to a waiter while drugged on cold medicine.