Weekend Receipts: Wall Street Owns The Weekend

wallstreet_rev_1.jpgShia LeBeouf enjoyed his fifth straight number one opening as Wall Street: Money Never Sleeps ruled the box office. The angry cartoon owls of Ga'Hoole fended off Ben Affleck for a number two spot but the angry cartoon ladies of You Again had to settle for an anemic fifth place opening. Your weekend receipts are here.

1. Wall Street: Money Never Sleeps

Gross: $19,000,000 (new)

Screens: 3,565 (PSA: $5,330)

Weeks: 1

Can we talk about what an awful, terrible title this? It seems like a parody title from Tropic Thunder -- desperately macho and completely nonsensical. Let's make a list of other things money never does! It doesn't sleep, or cry, or hug you after a nice meal, or compliment you after you've been doing more push-ups lately, or question your choices in religious affiliation, or ask to borrow your Vampire Weekend CD. Do you know why? Because it's freaking money.

2. Legend of the Guardians: The Owls of Ga'Hoole

Gross: $16,335,000 (new)

Screens: 3,575 (PSA: $4,569)

Weeks: 1

But if there's one name that's worse than Wall Street: Money Never Sleeps, it's this bland tapioca mush of a title. You could change around all the nouns and it would still sound essentially the same. Guardians of the Legend: The Owls of Ga'Hoole! Legend of Ga'Hoole: The Guardian of the Owls! Guardians of Ga'Hoole: The Legend of the Owls! It's like Warner Bros. got a hold of the world's dullest Mad Libs.

3. The Town

Gross: $16,030,000 ($49,117,000)

Screens: 2,885 (PSA: $5,556)

Weeks: 2 (change:-32.7%)

Everyone I know who has seen this says it's great but I still can't bring myself to see it if only because Blake Lively is in it, and I refuse to believe that she can play anything other than her character on Gossip Girl: a borderline retarded high-class hooker who spends most of her time eating frosting and naming invisible horses.

4. Easy A

Gross: $10,700,000 ($32,814,000)

Screens: 2,856 (PSA: $3,146)

Weeks: 2 (change:-39.7%)

It's a decent re-imagining of The Scarlet Letter, but frankly, I'm looking forward to the teen adaptation of Tess of the d'Ubervilles, to be entitled This Poor Ho Be Trippin'

5. You Again

Gross: $8,300,000 (new)

Screens: 2,548(PSA: $3,257)

Weeks: 1

Dear Betty White: Please stop. You're a national treasure and all, and I thought you were great on The Mary Tyler Moore Show and Golden Girls, but your bloodthirsty drive to media domination is kinda bringing me down. I think most of your gags now are essentially, "Hey, old ladies don't act like that!" and it's getting a bit dull. I just checked Wikipedia and it says you're 903 years old, so perhaps you should slow down, limit yourself to maybe 8 movies and TV shows a year and enjoy the bounty of life.

[Numbers via Box Office Mojo]