Warehouse 13's Relic Roundup: Season Finale Saves the Best (and Worst) For Last

Warehouse 13 toes a very fine line between taking itself too seriously and being delightfully ironic. Sometimes, like when Pete and Myka switch bodies or Sean Maher inadvertently jeopardizes the entire world by putting on a pair of gym shorts, it strikes just the right balance. And sometimes, like when Myka talks H.G. out of destroying the world by insisting H.G. shoot her right in the head -- when Myka resigns from the Warehouse because she can't bear her guilt, it leans a little too seriously. But maybe that's just me adjusting to some lingering bitterness about H.G. being evil after all (and having a frankly uninteresting end game while we're on the subject).

I really didn't want H.G. to be evil, and I promise there's more at work there than just a wry hope that she and Myka might strike up a romance. But if she had to be evil and planning her betrayal from the very beginning, when MacPherson debronzed her, couldn't she have had a slightly more interesting motive than the old destroy-the-world-to-save-it shtick? I want to believe our literary heroes are capable of more creativity.

But H.G. Wells qualms aside, let's inventory the goods, shall we?

Artifact: Daedalus's Wax Wings

Specifications: These lift-generating wings will spring into action when you strap them on your back. But don't fly too close to the sun. You've all read the myths.

Covetability: Very high. Every transportation method has its risks. Icarus sucks.

Artifact: Minoan Trident

Secifications: The first real weapon of mass destruction, or so the story goes. If you stab the ground with it three times, a supervolcano might erupt, plunging the world into another ice age. Which you probably wouldn't want to happen, unless you were a science fiction author of some note holding a tremendous grudge (against no one in particular) about the murder of your daughter some 100 years ago. (Nope. I'm still not sold on it.)

Covetability: Very low. Some things are too dangerous to just have lying around.

Artifact: Kelly the Vet's surprising array of slasher tools

Specifications: In an effort to divert Pete, H.G. sends Kelly Lizzie Borden's compact, which makes the user want to violently kill the person they love. Enter Kelly's slasher tools. That knife? That ax? Seriously, what kind of clinic is she running? Unfortunately for Pete, Kelly found the compact -- and subsequently, Pete's warehouse gig -- much more disturbing than her knife collection, and she dumped him. Sad day.

Covetability: Just no.

Artifact: The Corsican Brothers' Vest

Specifications: The logistics of this are quite unclear, because while the vest belonged to a pair of brothers who could feel each others' pain, there's no such relationship between H.G. and Artie, who share a bullet wound when Artie shoots her in the shoulder. But it does put Artie out of commission long enough for Myka to talk down H.G. -- and start steeping in some particularly potent guilt.

Covetability: Do you understand how it works? Because that's really holding me up, here.

Artifact: Myka's guilt

Specifications: Ah, Myka's guilt. She just said what everyone wanted to believe the entire season! Was she so wrong? Apparently yes: wrong enough to, minutes after convincing Pete to stay and the warehouse and not run off after Kelly, run off herself. Enter slashy post-ep Myka/H.G. fan fiction.

Covetability: Low.

So how about it? Was I the only one to take a little umbrage with how we left things with H.G.?


  • Jon Neunaber says:

    I don't think that this is the end of the road for Myka at Warehouse 13. I think Smetime, somehow, some way, Myka will be back before long. Whether she has a dream in a near futeure episode, or Pete spots her working as a waitress at a pancake house (that would be an ironic twist after the pancake peg game in the previous episode. Myka should buy Pete his order of banana walnut pancakes, too) (hey, it is a tough econmy these days), or if Myka just plain misses the warehouse, or if the producers of the show give Joanne Kelly the big raise she's been wanting, I think Myka will be back in the fold someday.
    When the two of them are near the top of Warehouse 2, Pete is flying with both arms, and Myka has both hands on the Farnsworth, then how is she holding on to Pete?
    What about the portable tar pit? I think that would be a covetable artifact.
    Sometimes the actors tend to overact, especially facially, but I love the show, flaws and all.

  • Tim J says:

    Warehouse 13 is my favorite show on TV, but the second half of the finale just fell short. With Myka leaving I would think H.G. could have been written in as a replacement for the character instead of turning her evil and wanting to end mankind. And having a villian want to destroy mankind because society is to sick is a old cliche. Season two was great right up to the finale which fell to far short for a show that is normally very imaginative.

  • William Dwyer says:

    Well duh, my only problem with the show is that they can't seem to settle on a bad guy. There is NO sustainable villain. MacPherson could have been but dumped him WAY too early...the swerve with Claudia and Leena at the end of Season 1 was definitely worthy. But they just dropped that within the next few episodes, and as it turns out MacPherson was trying to do the right thing anyway. H.G. had some promise, and the heel turn in the finale was good, but really telegraphed badly. You saw it coming a mile away.
    There just doesn't seem to be any direction with the story. Don't get me wrong, I love the show. I am just becoming disappointed the lack of direction the writers have been going.