Warehouse 13's Relic Roundup: Season Finale Saves the Best (and Worst) For Last
Warehouse 13 toes a very fine line between taking itself too seriously and being delightfully ironic. Sometimes, like when Pete and Myka switch bodies or Sean Maher inadvertently jeopardizes the entire world by putting on a pair of gym shorts, it strikes just the right balance. And sometimes, like when Myka talks H.G. out of destroying the world by insisting H.G. shoot her right in the head -- when Myka resigns from the Warehouse because she can't bear her guilt, it leans a little too seriously. But maybe that's just me adjusting to some lingering bitterness about H.G. being evil after all (and having a frankly uninteresting end game while we're on the subject).
I really didn't want H.G. to be evil, and I promise there's more at work there than just a wry hope that she and Myka might strike up a romance. But if she had to be evil and planning her betrayal from the very beginning, when MacPherson debronzed her, couldn't she have had a slightly more interesting motive than the old destroy-the-world-to-save-it shtick? I want to believe our literary heroes are capable of more creativity.
But H.G. Wells qualms aside, let's inventory the goods, shall we?
Artifact: Daedalus's Wax Wings
Specifications: These lift-generating wings will spring into action when you strap them on your back. But don't fly too close to the sun. You've all read the myths.
Covetability: Very high. Every transportation method has its risks. Icarus sucks.
Artifact: Minoan Trident
Secifications: The first real weapon of mass destruction, or so the story goes. If you stab the ground with it three times, a supervolcano might erupt, plunging the world into another ice age. Which you probably wouldn't want to happen, unless you were a science fiction author of some note holding a tremendous grudge (against no one in particular) about the murder of your daughter some 100 years ago. (Nope. I'm still not sold on it.)
Covetability: Very low. Some things are too dangerous to just have lying around.
Artifact: Kelly the Vet's surprising array of slasher tools
Specifications: In an effort to divert Pete, H.G. sends Kelly Lizzie Borden's compact, which makes the user want to violently kill the person they love. Enter Kelly's slasher tools. That knife? That ax? Seriously, what kind of clinic is she running? Unfortunately for Pete, Kelly found the compact -- and subsequently, Pete's warehouse gig -- much more disturbing than her knife collection, and she dumped him. Sad day.
Covetability: Just no.
Artifact: The Corsican Brothers' Vest
Specifications: The logistics of this are quite unclear, because while the vest belonged to a pair of brothers who could feel each others' pain, there's no such relationship between H.G. and Artie, who share a bullet wound when Artie shoots her in the shoulder. But it does put Artie out of commission long enough for Myka to talk down H.G. -- and start steeping in some particularly potent guilt.
Covetability: Do you understand how it works? Because that's really holding me up, here.
Artifact: Myka's guilt
Specifications: Ah, Myka's guilt. She just said what everyone wanted to believe the entire season! Was she so wrong? Apparently yes: wrong enough to, minutes after convincing Pete to stay and the warehouse and not run off after Kelly, run off herself. Enter slashy post-ep Myka/H.G. fan fiction.
So how about it? Was I the only one to take a little umbrage with how we left things with H.G.?