The Mike & Molly Fat Joke Tracker: 'She's a Brick House'

There is only one reason why you, esteemed readers, would watch Chuck Lorre's formulaic new sitcom about a pair of overweight Chicago lovebirds: the fat jokes. And boy, are there fat jokes. (Well, if you define a fat joke as "any line about beefy gals and White Castle drive-thru deaths followed immediately by a cringeworthy laugh track.") And now, thanks to Movieline's new weekly feature The Mike & Molly Fat Joke Tracker, you don't even have to sit through the CBS show to catch the most offensive jabs. Herewith, last night's tasteless disses from the Mike & Molly pilot.

"I would shoot you right now but I don't have enough chalk to outline your body." -- Mike's cop partner

"She's a brick house. Uh, uh. She's mighty, mighty. Just letting it all hang out. Cause she's a brick house." -- Molly singing while on the elliptical

"Why don't you take her to one of those lesbo clubs? They seem to like the beefy gals!" -- Molly's mom

"I'm going to sneak into the little girls room and light up a fatty. [To Overeaters Anonymous members within earshot] No offense, fellows." -- Molly's sister

"I had a pretty fair week. I lost three pounds. Then I took off my shirt and found it here." -- Mike

"I did have one setback this week. I went to the store and they were having a sale on those fun-size candies for Halloween. So I pick up a bag figuring I'm going to need something for the trick-or-treaters. Before I know it, I'm standing in front of the check-out with 19 of the fun little bastards jammed in my mouth, trying to say 'plastic.'" -- Mike

"Dammit, one of y'all got to inhale." -- Mike's partner, to a crowd of OA members wheezing as they climb up the stairs.

"I figure if everybody's laughing they won't try to cook and kill each other." -- Mike about his OA group

"The pothead had jungle fever and you could have gotten the other one with a taffy apple." -- Mike's partner on Molly and her sister

"You met her at an OA meeting. If she sticks her hand [under your shirt] and doesn't find a bra, she's going to be ecstatic." -- Mike's partner

"This isn't dinner. This is a suicide with meatballs for bullets." -- Mike's partner

"[Losing three pounds] isn't a big deal. My farts weigh three pounds." -- Mike

"Sweet Jesus. It's like hugging a futon." -- Mike's partner, while hugging Mike

"I'm good but I don't think that table's up to code." -- Mike, after inadvertently crushing a table underneath him

"Once my dad had to write a check for $280 to the Girl Scouts of America for 'unaccounted cookies.'" -- Molly

"I'd like to walk into a club without every queen jumping on me like I'm a gay pride float." -- Molly

"I don't want to keel over in a White Castle drive-thru like my dad. And it was his third lap." -- Molly


  • Martini Shark says:

    I'm not a huge fan of fatty humor. The door-frame-challenged are sensitive people too . I have a girth-enhanced friend, and we are blood-brothers; his blood type is Phish Food. These lame jokes hurt me to the core-pulent.
    ("Mike & Molly" writers, call me!)

  • jp brody says:

    I watched it. It was cute for the first show. But only the first show. It would wear thin (bwahaaa -- wear thin!) if it's on any more.
    One show. One time. Move along. Nothing here.

  • Patricia says:

    Watched it. The two leads, Billy Gardell and Melissa McCarthy, were good, great comedic timing. Swoosie Kurtz proved once again that she can bring it to any role, no matter how small and unappealing. But the rest of the cast was awful and their parts were written cheesily. As for the self deprecating jokes at the OA meeting, it's pretty akin to a good AA meeting, so I bought it.

  • The Winchester says:

    It's still funnier than Two and a Half Men.
    Le sigh.

  • they is hilarious says:

    Fat people. Is there anything they CAN do?

  • ticketmaster says:

    Every time I read about this, it usually is the same. At last someone has provided a unique and important view.