Dancing with the Stars Door Prizes: The Hills are Alive-ish!

As Dancing with the Stars waltzes into its 11th cycle of glamor, style, and actually neither of those things, Movieline is commemorating the season with a new feature: Dancing with the Stars door prizes. Each week we'll award three prizes to three dancers who deserved more (or less) than points. As for this week's honors, we're handing out the Carrie Ann Inaba "Diplomacy in Judging" Prize, the Len Goodman "Victorian Disgrace" Trophy, and -- of course -- the Bruno Tonioli Sexy Heart-Attack Award.

The Carrie Ann Inaba "Diplomacy" Award goes to Audrina Patridge

Audrina's Score: 19

Style: Cha-Cha-Cha

Carrie Ann's Diplomacy: "Audrina! Hey! Nice smile. No, wait. Great smile. You're wonderful in the smile department. Honestly. Great. And OK, first of all? I'm so excited that you kicked off season 11 with a solo. That little shimmy at the beginning showed confidence. And charism-- no, confidence. I meant confidence. Which I said already, I know. I know! Ha ha. Right. It's just that, well... I didn't see much of a -- you know -- connection between your exceptionally smiley face and your... stuttering, dance-allergic body. Close though! So close. Scandalously close, in fact! Eh, Bruno? (Bruno whoops.) Sigh. Yeah. So Audrina, try using your rigid scarecrow smile to help straighten your lines and give you a semblance of technique next time, OK? OK. Great. So excited! Fine."

The Len Goodman "Victorian Disgrace" Award goes to Mike "The Situation" Sorrentino

The Situation's Score: 15

Style: Cha-cha-cha

Len Goodman's Presents the "Victorian Disgrace" Award to The Situation: "Mike, I know you didn't have much time to rehearse this week, and that puts us all in a dreadful situation. But that is no excuse. You ruined my parlor room with your declasse tomfoolery, young lad! You thrust and jiggled like the village harlot! Your gauche kicks knocked over my scones and interrupted Kurt Warner's recital! I should challenge you to a duel, sir. I should have Constable Bergeron throw you out of this ballroom. You are a Victorian disgrace. May all your children grow up to be spinsters, Mr. Sorrentino. May your Easters be greeted by fog. May your carriage wheels fall on unyielding ruts."

The Bruno Tonioli "Sexy Heart-Attack" Award goes to Jennifer Grey

Score: 24 (highest of the night)

Style: Viennese Waltz

Bruno Tonioli's Heart Attack: "Ms. JENNIFER. GREY. Ay-ooh-gah, m'lady! For a 50-year-old panther with an plastically enhanced snout, you gave me divine palpitations. Your slinky, sultry, bodily slams of sex were like dollops of garlic salt mainlined into my aorta. I've had the TIME. OF. MY. LIFE, Ms. Gray. And now, like a red dawn dissolving into the daylight ... I perish." (Dies.)


  • One Hit Wonder says:

    The Situation really is pigeon-toed. They need to get him in some tighter pants (or maybe some snug short, shorts for a 70s Dance theme) and he needs to loes the shirt.