Movieline Translates Casey Affleck's Confession That I'm Still Here is Fake

Gasp! In what could only be described as predictable, Casey Affleck has admitted that the Joaquin Phoenix "documentary," I'm Still Here, is fake. The director spoke with the New York Times and confirmed that everything from Phoenix's appearance with David Letterman to the childhood home movies that are shown at the beginning of the film was planned, staged and carefully edited to create the most unsettling movie possible. Ahead Movieline dives into Affleck's confession and tries to parse out what he's really trying to say.

"It's a terrific performance, it's the performance of his career," Mr. Affleck said.

Translation: "My brother-in-law is an Oscar-nominee! Remember how great he was in Walk the Line? Please hire him."

"The reviews were so angry," said Mr. Affleck, who attributed much of the hostility to his own long silence about a film that left more than a few viewers wondering what was real -- the drugs? The hookers? The childhood home movie sequences in the beginning? -- and what was not.

Translation: "Now that you know it's fake and that I didn't exploit a family member's drug problem and mental illness for my own gain, maybe revisit the film and learn to love it?"

"I never intended to trick anybody," said Mr. Affleck, an intense 35-year-old who spoke over a meat-free, cheese-free vegetable sandwich on Thursday. "The idea of a quote, hoax, unquote, never entered my mind."

Translation: "I'm a nice guy -- just look at my lunch order! I didn't mean to trick anyone. Well, except David Letterman, since he wasn't in on the gag and we totally sandbagged him. Otherwise, I'm quote, innocent, unquote."

There were multiple takes, these are performances," Mr. Affleck said of unsettling sequences in which Mr. Phoenix appears to snort drugs, consort with hookers, and hunt to the ground an assistant who has betrayed him to the press -- again, mostly actors.

Translation: "What did I tell you about his Academy Award nomination? Joaquin is like a young Brando -- and don't sleep on the assistant who pooped on his face. He should get a Golden Globe nomination!"

"It is a hard movie to watch," he said.

Translation: "I'm really, really, really sorry."

· Affleck Admits Phoenix Documentary Wasn't Real [NYT]