Joaquin Phoenix Still Here, Attached to Non-Financed Foot Fetishist Project

With the unsettling I'm Still Here hitting theaters today, it's time to remember that Joaquin Phoenix is actually an actor. Or something. Perfectly pegged to his return to the spotlight -- funny how these things work, right? -- THR has published a rundown of all the near misses Phoenix has had over the course of the last year. Apparently his retirement from acting was also fake. Try to feign your surprise.

According to THR's close-but-no-cigar roundup, Phoenix almost found himself starring as Edgar Allen Poe in The Raven, opposite Jeremy "There Goes that News Van Again" Renner, but neither actor signed a deal. The role of Poe eventually went to John Cusack.

The hirsute star was also offered the chance to torment Jonah Hill as a villainous drug dealer in David Gordon Green's comedy, The Sitter. Additionally, there was Genius, a film about the relationship between literary editor Max Perkins and young novelist Thomas Wolfe; Sean Penn is tapped for Perkins, Phoenix was in talks for the "showy" role of Wolfe.

All exciting projects, to be sure, but none on his schedule. What is on his schedule, however? Big Shoe, an indie about a foot fetishist-cum-shoe designer from Secretary director Steven Shainberg. Don't get too excited though: Big Shoe has no financing yet, meaning if you want to watch the former Oscar-nominee engage in bizarre sexual activities, you'll probably just have to see I'm Still Here. Sorry about that.

· Joaquin Phoenix Not Quitting Acting Just Yet [THR]