Movieline Reviews the New True Blood Figurines
Don't quite have $700 to spend on Stephen Moyer's autographed c**k sock, but you're still in the market for a classy True Blood collectible? HBO has an answer to your consumer conundrum in the form of three bust figurines of your favorite Bon Temps characters -- that is, if your favorite Bon Temps characters are Sookie Stackhouse, Bill Compton and Eric Northman. And unlike Moyer's auction, none of the proceeds HBO accepts will go to charity! Check out Movieline's reviews of each many-of-a-kind product below.
Description: This is the miniature fangbanger bust that you've been waiting for! In her Merlotte's uniform -- complete with jaunty handkerchief to hide her bloodsucking hickeys -- Sookie is the most recognizable likeness of the trio. Telepathic waitresses have never looked so good on your mantle. (At the time of this post, no one has purchased this product yet. Be the first!)
Likeness: 6/10. The most accurate likeness of all of the busts.
Description: At 7.25" tall, Eric Northman's bust will tower comparatively over Sookie and Bill in your vampire shrine. Look at those pecs, that posture, those blond highlights, and that vampire glare. This True Blood bust means business.
Likeness: 4/10. At least he's tall.
Actual Customer Reviews:
· From disappointed Maryland: "Sorry, but this does not look like Eric at all. No, I would not recommend this to a friend."
· From Amelia in New York: "He's got no legs!"
Description: This fine bust is a representation of Bill Compton of Bon Temps...if the 173-year-old vampire were played by Christian Bale instead of Stephen Moyer. Again, this figurine is completely unfunctional as Bill's legs are cut off mid-thigh, but at least Bill Compton's likeness has impeccable posture. Buy at your own discretion.
Likeness: 2/10. Sorry, Bill, but it looks like your figurine was made at the end of the day when some third world country factory worker's fingers were numb after tirelessly crafting Sookie's neckerchief and Eric's bulging forearm veins. Better luck next pressing.
· HBO Shop [HBO]