3 Moments From The Original Total Recall That the Remake Must Include

arnold_recall_225.jpgWith the news that Len Wiseman is in final negotiations to direct a remake of Total Recall, it's time to move from hand-wringing to acceptance. Despite your fond memories of the original (the duplicitous nature of Sharon Stone, the Arnold Schwarzenegger one-liners, the crazypants ultra-violence procured by Paul Verhoeven), this is happening. Still, what can Wiseman do to keep fans happy? Here are the three key moments that the Total Recall remake must include from the original.

· The hooker with three boobs

Part of the allure of Total Recall is that its "cheap" effects work never takes you out of the film. It's tangible -- you can wrap your head around what you're seeing because Verhoeven uses make-up, models and miniatures to tell his story. Wiseman -- he of the CGI werewolves in Underworld and the CGI Bruce Willis in Live Free or Die Hard -- would do best to attempt a similar path, especially when it comes to the infamous three-boob hooker. Scintillating and altogether ridiculous-looking, a Total Recall without a rubbery extra boob would be like a Terminator remake with a Terminator. It can't happen.

· The "two weeks" lady

The best set piece in Total Recall? Try the moment when Arnold's Howser/Quaid tries to sneak past airport security disguised as a fat woman in a futuristic yellow muumuu. It malfunctions, her head gets taken off (!) and turns into a bomb (!!) and the whole scene (watch below) closes with one of the classic one-liners from the film: "Get ready for a surprise!"

· "Get your ass to Mars"

Still, that one-liner isn't as classic as this one. "Get your ass to Mars" is one of those iconic lines so often repeated by lousy Arnold Schwarzenegger impersonators that it simply has to be in the remake of Total Recall. Just hope that Gerard Butler (or whoever gets cast in this new version) doesn't try to do it with Arnold's accent.

· Len Wiseman in negotiations to direct 'Total Recall' remake [THR]


  • metroville says:

    Cheating. The hooker's three boobs make up all 3 must-have moments.

  • TurdBlossom says:

    Girlfight between whoever plays Sharon Stone's role and the dark haird babe.

  • The Winchester says:

    Just let Michael Ironside reprise the same role.
    Then we can see him at the party, Richter.

  • Dimo says:

    Oh, you have to have the shot of the midget prostitute firing a machine gun.
    And the old lady saying "Fuck you, you asshole!"

  • CiscoMan says:

    Johnny Cab!

  • The Winchester says:

    You know what? Why don't they just save everybody time and money and just re-release the original?
    Oh right, because then it wouldn't be in 3-D.

  • NP says:

    "See you at the party, Richter" was going to be my choice. Very necessary.

  • NP says:

    "I'm not familiar with that destination."

  • Formerly Blackwater says:

    They can't have a hooker with three boobs, or even one boob, because the remake will be contractually required, of course, to be rated PG-13.


  • The Pope says:

    What about when he pulls the bug out of his nose? That made me wince more than anything I saw in The Fly.

  • Dimo says:

    'When you hear the crunch, you're there."

  • Dimo says:

    Ronny Cox: 'Then I'll blow this place up and be home in time for cornflakes." Oh man, this movie is just full of goodies!

  • robotbutler says:

    What about the stomach Yoda?

  • My friends and I still use that one to this day. That he says it while holding Michael Ironside's severed arms makes it even better.

  • Keith says:

    Hey, man, I got five kids to feed!

  • casting couch says:

    Hello, Hauser. Still bulging I see. Whatcha been feeding this thing?
    I think it's still hungry.

  • Joe says:

    First of all, this is not a remake of Arnold's highly overrated Total Recall. They may ape the title, but this film is re-telling of Philip K Dick's short story.
    Arnold's Total Recall is a highly overrated, poorly acted, poorly written, and poorly directed film. The only reason it's thought of so highly is because of nostalgia. If it was released today, critic's would savage it.
    Len Wiseman definitely has some talent. But he and the film need a better writer than they got.

  • casting couch says:

    Consider that a divorce... This movie was popular in 1990 and is still loved because it's a great action sci-fi movie with a solid script, good cast, terrific vfx, and Paul Verhoeven's slick direction.

  • tony says:

    HAHHAHAHA...you think this is the real Quaid? It is!

  • Huh says:

    And we need a remake of this movie for what?????????????????????

  • Write or wrong says:

    Because we need these stupid remakes in hopes that someone somewhere will come up with an original idea and save us

  • Heather says:

    What a complete waste of company money and effort. I wonder if Hollywood have ever heard the phrase 'if it aint broke, dont fix it'.

  • Formerly Blackwater says:

    He should have said, "I have a very disarming personality."

  • NP says:

    Where exactly does it say they're going back to the source material for a new retelling?
    "Len Wiseman is in negotiations to direct "Total Recall," Columbia's remake of the 1990 Arnold Schwarzenegger sci-fi action movie directed by Paul Verhoeven.
    The studio and producer Neal Moritz are aiming for a contemporized adaptation of the movie, which was based on Philip K. Dick story, "We Can Remember It for You Wholesale.""
    Second of all, Verhoeven's film is purposefully pulpy (just as _Starship Troopers_ was, just as _Robo Cop_ was... that's how Verhoeven does science fiction). Just because it's not the adaptation _you_ wanted for Dick's story doesn't automatically make it a bad movie.