Debbie Gibson and Tiffany's Syfy Catfight Video: An Inventory

Film Featuring This Epic Throwdown: Syfy's Mega Python vs. Gatoroid

First Slap Delivered By: Tiffany

First Pie to the Face Delivered By: Debbie Gibson

Number of Times Someone is Called a Bitch: 2

Number of Times Panties are Glimpsed While Wrestling: 4

Reason for Smushing Cake Down Tiffany's Cleavage: None given

Posters Advertising "Live Music By Mickey Dolenz": 1

Number of Times Someone is Flung Into a Table: 2

Horrified Kathryn Joosten Reaction Shots: 4

Champagne Glasses Broken: Countless

Amount of Time Before Both Ladies Get Wet: One minute and ten seconds

Tattoos Glimpsed: 1

Breathlessly Self-Referential Punchline: "I think we're alone now," delivered by Debbie Gibson, for some reason