TV || By: || July 7, 2010 05:35 PM EST

James Franco's Mom Says the Darndest Things on General Hospital

JamesFrancoMom225.jpgIt finally happened: James Franco found a way to weave his real-life mother, author Betsy Franco, into the weird meta-arc that he has been crafting on General Hospital over the past few months. The sub-arc began yesterday when two of Port Charles' detectives who were hot on Franco's trail ventured out to Woodstock, New York to question Karen Anderson, whom they believed birthed the murder artist who has been terrorizing their town. But what they discovered inside Karen's cozy, statue-cluttered home turned out to be much, much worse.

While Franco was apologizing to his kidnap victims (a few dozen roses for one, a creepy compliment to another: "Your daughter is a real American Beauty. Like the rose") his mother was entertaining the two detectives searching for the son she denied having. But her crackpot character's cryptic lines -- completely random, full of generic wisdom supposed to maybe mean something for Franco's meta-experiment -- are what weirded me out the most. A few samples:

1. "I just finished blending a soothing green chai tea. Fennel, hibiscus and licorice root. Marvelous for the digestion. May I pour you some tea?"

Time wasted: 1 minute

Relevance to the show: None, unless the tea was full of some kind of slow-acting poison that hasn't yet affected the detectives after two episodes.

2. "Do you believe in parallel universes? Somewhere, there is a Karen Anderson with an artist son and perhaps there is a detective named after a magnificent bird of prey who is trying to find her. And he is accompanied by a silent companion. But not here. Not in Woodstock."

Time wasted: 30 seconds

Relevance to the show: Karen Anderson, you minx! None of this dialogue is relevant to the story told here, but it is entirely relevant to your son's (real and television) art projects.

3. "Bobby, what have you done now?" (to Franco)

Time wasted: 10 seconds

Relevance to the show: Total. WHAT!?! You mean that Franco's soap-opera name is actually Bobby? And that Karen Anderson was just lying to those detectives that whole time? She does have a son and she knows he is capable of murdery crime art?

4. "You were always good at spinning the truth. You never called [your graffiti] art until you were caught."

Time wasted: 12 seconds

Relevance to the show: Not as much as Franco's wink-wink monologue delivered directly beforehand: "Mom, I'm fine. It's just that being in the public eye, I'm subject to more public scrutiny than the average human being. That's why I plan on taping -- the camera never lies. Although it always does." It might help you non-viewers to know that this whole conversation took place while Franco was eating a peanut butter and jelly sandwich that his mom had prepared him moments before.

5.



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