23 Secrets of The Lost DVD Box Set, Revealed!
Truth be told, we haven't been adjusting to our post-Lost existence with much grace; a good portion of the past week has been spent sitting in a church, clutching our homemade Hurley doll (stitched together from parts of a curly-haired Cabbage Patch Kid, a plush Shrek, and Teddy Ruxpin guts playing a tape of every "Dude!" ever duded, if you must know), and asking every "Jack" in the congregation if he's finally ready to step out into the light.
Some measure of solace, however, has come in the recent announcement of the Lost: Complete Collection DVD box set arriving in late August. While the official press release disclosed some of the $230 ($280 Blu-ray, for some reason) worth of extras, we weren't satisfied with the list of bonus featurettes, the island replica, and paraphernalia like a mini-Ankh and senet game. And so, we went digging further to unlock more of its secrets in a quest to justify that heavy price tag, confident that our beloved Damolcuse are saving some surprises for the deep-pocketed faithful. Here are our discoveries of 23 more goodies (we told you we're having a hard time letting go) that await at the end of your summer of mourning:
*A six-pack of the sacred texts of the major world religions featured on the Stained Glass Window of Spiritual Inclusion, with passages illuminating aspects of the castaways' various journeys circled in day-glo Sharpie
*A dog-eared copy of Booty Babes magazine from episode 607, signed by island porn-hoarder and trunk-junk aficionado Benjamin Linus, with a hand-written epigram of the fictional publication's "Big Beautiful Bouncy Buns" tagline
*Hand-crafted Russian nesting dolls bearing the likenesses of your favorite characters, ranging from a football-sized Hurley all the way down to a tiny Aaron; after spending two-and-a-half hours disassembling the stubbornly linked dolls, fans will find a rolled-up scroll containing the text of executive producer Damon Lindelof's final Lost tweet: "Remember. Let go. Move on. I will miss it more than I can ever say"
*A Skullbaby Colorforms Playset
*A replica of the engagement ring a bereaved Sawyer tossed into the ocean, distraught that his soulmate died in a dirty hole with Jughead, babbling about a coffee date
*In addition to the previously disclosed epilogue footage of Ben and Hurley's time as the island's protectors, there will be an all-new scene depicting the lucky Ajira passengers' airborne escape, during which Miles wastes no time in getting on with his post-series life by awkwardly telling Kate, "Jack's ghost just talked to me, and he said he'd be cool with it if we dated. I'm going to be a cop in the purgatorial sideways, if that's a turn-on at all"
*Fifteen hours of interview footage with actors Kiele "Nikki" Sanchez and Rodrigo "Paulo" Santoro, as well as DVDs of the entire run of Australian strip-club action-drama Exposé
*A model outrigger canoe with a question mark emblazoned on the side
*A frozen donkey wheel charm bracelet
*Schematics for constructing your very own, Ben-Linus-Style secret closet
*A link to YouTube clips of awkward Evangeline Lilly appearances on The Late Show With David Letterman
*A transcript of the tense, ultimately failed negotiations between Adewale Akinnuoye-Agbaje's agents and ABC for a potential Mr. Eko appearance on the finale
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