The V Strategy Guide: Why V Would Make a Better Comedy

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I had a huge viewing breakthrough as I watched last night's V, cringing while I cataloged the Fifth Column missteps that I've come to expect. And actually, only a slight change of perception helped draw the alien-invasion drama out of its unique mash-up of Battlestar Galactica-style ethical dilemmas and, frankly, wholly original studies in idiotic characters (whose decisions fly in the face of everything logical on Earth): Maybe this show would make a better comedy. Let me explain.

To begin, a summary: This week, our four-person branch of the Fifth Column decided to raise the stakes a bit and blow up a ship full of Visitors. But sneaky, shiftily aligned Chad Decker (Scott Wolf) told Anna, who filled the ship with a bunch of human skeletons, thus taking the Fifth Column's approval rating down a few pegs. And then Anna went ahead and punched Lisa so Tyler would join Live Aboard. "There's no greater incentive than a damsel in distress," said Anna, clearly a student of the Stephenie Meyer School of Melodrama and ... I don't know, Economics?

But back to the point, about which I'm totally kidding (I'm not, though):

Stock characters? Well, our story centers on a priest, a single mother who occasionally works for the FBI, a snarky British dude, and a token black dude. Check.

Needlessly dramatic revelations despite prior blatancy? At the end of the episode, Erica learns that she and Sarita Malik (Battlestar Galactica's Rekha Sharma) will be heading up the FBI effort to rain destruction down upon the Fifth Column, a task which Malik is perfectly suited for because it turns out she's a secret cyl- ... oh, erm ... Visitor. Oh snap. Blindsided me there. The Fifth Column is having enough trouble making discernible headway in the fight against the Vs. Another zany wrench in the machine? It's just funny at this point, isn't it?

Simple solutions to serious ethical complications? This week, Erica and Co. go through about half the episode thinking they've killed a lot of innocent humans. Then, surprise! Relief! It turns out those people were already dead. Father Jack, who is skeptical about the whole plan to blow up the ship, is unfortunately robbed of his "I told you so" moment, which is a shame because it would have only bolstered my sitcom thesis. Still, though -- it's overwrought anxiety devolved into melodramatic fluff. It's the stuff of sitcoms, or at least something that should take itself far less seriously than V seems to.

Any other examples of laughable plot lines? Let's hear them!



Comments

  • Rafaela says:

    Orrrrrr even better: a politically incorret comedy. Don't you feel the sexual tension between "Juliette" and the Priest? Imagine what they could do if that was the case! 😛

  • CiscoMan says:

    I really enjoy Scott Wolf's new "I'm Sneaky!" face every time he walks away from the priest after an awfully obvious play for 5th Column info.

  • "...Scott Wolf's new "I'm Sneaky!" face..."
    That's what keeps getting me: the bad acting, particularly the FBI lady. In one earlier episode, she went to the FBI office and, while walking through, just looked so hilariously guilty and nervous that I couldn't believe she'd get past the front door.
    So good. This series is like a whole new kind of bad.

  • Alana says:

    This is one of the most poorly thought out (and poorly written) reviews I've ever read. Yes...V has many flaws, but you chose to do some paltry nitpicking rather than point out the most obvious ones. The "simple solution to the ethical complication" wasn't "melodramatic" or overly convenient. It was implausible and nonsensical --- since a simple autopsy would have revealed that the humans on board the shuttle were dead prior to the crash, and Anna would have known that. The revelation of Malik as a V wasn't as blatantly expected as you apparently believe. Then there are your evaluations of the "stock characters". I have no idea why Erica appears to be a part-timer to you. Ryan is hardly a "token black". He's possibly the most interesting and appealing of the 5th column members and just happens to be black. And...DUDE...there are much better adjectives to describe the callous, emotionally hardened, cynical Kyle than "snarky"!

  • Seth L says:

    Thanks for the recaps, I didn't think a sci-fi remake could get worse then the 'Bionic Woman'
    V has proven me wrong. I don't even find it endearingly bad, which I think bothers me most.

  • D says:

    I came here hoping to see something well written but...Yeah... no. There weren't just a "bunch of human skeletons" on the V's craft. Go back and rewatch the scene-- there are several burnt human corpses with flesh still attached, remanants of V experiments. If they filled the ship up with bleached skeletons then yes it would be painfully obvious but it wasn't so that point failed. Those few smooth bones were likely added to the ship to bolster the carnage appearance. The poster, Alana, also made good points as well to where you failed.
    Next time, before you write another weak review, how about paying closer attention to details beyond those you wish to nitpick.. or better yet, stop watching it if you find it so laughably bad? There's an idea. Or, if you're going to pull something apart how about offering realistic and sensible ideas on how to fix the issues because right now you're coming across as informed and tepid as any other internet blogger who is halfheartedly watching tv while playing some mindless mmorpg.
    And before any fanboys come to claim its worse than the original series/miniseries, bite your tongue. Syfy re-airs those every so often in marathons. How about watching them and get reaquainted with the bad plots and then talk to me about bad acting, plot holes and the like.

  • Snark is Easy--Talent is Rare says:

    This review is snark, and this reviewer is an untalented idiot. It's a frigging tv show, not War and Peace. It has action, adventure, and science fiction, and one of the most beautiful and evil badgals ever filmed.
    Don't like it? Don't watch. It's obvious--and see D's remarks--that you aren't watching it very carefully while you vomit your poorly written snark. Go away. You're a loser who likes to nitpick, but I'm betting you couldn't come up with anything half so good as V.

  • oxjr says:

    Actually the old series would mix up a few fun campy comedy bits, it is one of the things lacking in this series. If you are trying to do Battlestar Galactica in mainstream tv time slots it isn't going to work. So flesh out your series in a bit more over the top manner like Smallville. I still enjoy the show, but it is utterly forgetable and won't affect me when it gets cancelled. I mean really, did you see the lameo 'Anna eats her lover' with badly done CGI teeth. UGH.

  • Kookie says:

    "V" has so many undertones of today's government that it is laffable.
    It is exactly what our 'Leader' is trying to do to the people.

  • J says:

    No amount of V fanboyism can change the fact that bad tv is still bad tv.