Say Whaaaa? Cocaine Vaginas, Secret Babies and More of the Week's Most Insane News

Happy hour is here, and so Movieline hits the bar with our favorite Friday drinking buddies, the Say Whaaaa? Singers. They'll have an O'Doul's for now, though, because a review of the week's most insane, outrageous, baffling and otherwise absurd news stories is enough to make anyone feel tipsy by sundown. Read on and find out what I mean.

5. RuPaul's Drag Race Contestants Say the Darnedest Things

Stripped of context, the reality show's contenders turn out even more wonderfully, bizarrely quotable than they already are. Take this thoughtful exchange: "Shangela, is that corn on your wrist?" "Yes, this is my new Gaga-inspired cornsage." "Amazing." Say whaaaa? Actually, is there any context that works for this? I must start viewing.

4. Does Vincent Kartheiser Crap in the Woods?

Probably -- among other places, particularly since the Mad Men co-star has dispensed with the toilet in his house. "Like, I don't have a toilet at the moment," he told a reporter. "My house is just a wooden box. I mean I am planning to get a toilet at some point. But for now I have to go to the neighbors. I threw it all out." Say whaaaa? Now that's living green.

3. E! Has Its Cake, Eats It, Too, Then Throws it Up and Starts Over Again

You know how E! always has those really garish shows about plastic surgery, fashion disasters and/or other body crises? Time to counteract that -- or something -- with What's Eating You?, a new show about women with some of the most extreme eating disorders known to basic cable. Like that one lady who "eats a roll of toilet paper dipped in pickle juice every night before bed"? E! executive Lisa Berger couldn't be prouder: "The prevalence of eating disorders is all too common in a society that can often value looks and appearance above all else." Say whaaaa? I guess? In any case, their prevalence obviously makes their sufferers easier to find and exploit.

2. Sandra Bullock Has a Baby

Say whaaaa? I know, right? The woman went through four months of Oscar season and maybe just as many months of marital strife and eventual divorce (with nearly half of that in public). She's been under the spotlight of every gossip hound and paparazzo in America, and still, Bullock managed to keep her adopted baby a secret through it all. Either way, they will be studying this in PR classes for years.

1. So About That Time Pam Grier Wound Up With a Cocaine-Encrusted Vagina

Pam Grier's new memoir sure does yield some spectacular scientific wonders, including the apparent prototype for male-enhancing drugs we know and love today: "Is your partner putting cocaine on his penis to sustain his erection?" Say whaaaa? Screw Sandra Bullock -- how did Hollywood repress this amazing trend for more than three decades? Anyway, I think I know what I'm doing this weekend! Ew, no! I meant reading Grier's book. Perv.