South Park Casualty Count: Shark Rape and Crack-Addicted Towels
South Park is only halfway through its 14th season and already it has ridiculed every celebrity ever mentioned on the show, received a death threat from a radical Islamic group and been censored by its network. So how, if you are Trey Parker and Matt Stone, do you possibly top that? By tying together an intervention for a crack-addicted towel, an epic anti-Semitic rant, and a sequence in which a shark rapes a disabled child at summer camp. And you name the summer camp Lake Tardicaca. Click through to find out how those controversial parts fit together and which other figures were skewered in last night's episode, "Crippled Summer."
Last night's installment opened with an unfamiliar warning that "Viewer Discretion is advised," an exciting teaser for what could have possibly been another sacrilege-filled episode. Instead, the show turned out to be a parody of A&E's Intervention, with concerned friends Kyle, Stan and Butters sobbing over their dear friend Towelie. Over the years, Towelie had gone from a regular marijuana user to a crystal meth and crack addict who is forced to turn alleyway tricks for money, abandon his friends, and even worse, abandon his infant washcloth son.
The boys turn to Camp Tardicaca to employ Towelie over the summer and in the process, hopefully allow him to rehabilitate himself. Soon enough though, Towelie is busted for being high on the job 14 times, and is running into the woods every chance he gets to stick a hypodermic needle into his thin towel arm. This means an intervention, so the gang lures Towelie into a counselor's office and beg their machine-washable friend to get help. However, Cartman uses his turn to deliver a lengthy rant about Jews (the full text of which is found below). When Butters reveals that Towelie's son, washcloth, is in the room, Towelie finally agrees to get help.
Meanwhile, a camp kid named Nathan goes to dramatic lengths to kill Jimmy so that he can become "King of Cripple Camp." However, Nathan's minion Mimsy foils his plans time and time again -- by putting a black mamba snake in the wrong boat and misusing the shark mating whistle, resulting in Nathan's unfortunate shark rape. When Jimmy fails to trigger his explosive-packed ukelele, Nathan intervenes, only to be injured by his own explosives and taken away in an ambulance.
This week there were only a handful of celebrities ridiculed:
· Kirstie Alley -- The rehab counselor (who bore a striking resemblance to Dr. Drew) said on camera, "[Towelie] is probably the second most psychologically damaged towel I've seen, after Kirstie Alley's towel, who has seen some nasty stuff."
· Stephen Baldwin -- The episode ended with this title card...
Instances of Not-So-Casual Racism:
· During the intervention, Cartman uses his uninterrupted time on the floor to deliver this speech: "Kyle, I hate you so much. You are a liar and a swindler and will do anything for money. The Jews have been persecuted across the earth for good reason, Kyle. You are a race of beady-eyed thieves who throughout the millennia have squirmed and wormed their way into the dark cubbyholes of society. Where exactly did the Jews first get their power and how are they able to manipulate our minds today? [Dissolve to minutes later] If in fact, the Jews truly are shapeshifters -- and I believe that I've presented enough evidence to prove that they are -- then we must unite as a species to stop them and fight their plan for global domination and fight for the power of our freedom."
Complimentary Meta Moment:
· Kyle tells Towelie during the intervention, "Over the past few months, I have watched you go from an ancillary character with a few catch phrases to a dried out splooge rag covered in the jizz of a thousand older men."
Movieline Rating: 5/10