In Memoriam: American Idol's Newest Loser Siobhan Magnus

Thanks for nothing, nation. Last night on Idol, America's horrible texters voted to release Siobhan Magnus to the principal's office to wash the glue out of her mouth. Bastards! For irony, they muttered the lyrics to Shania's "I'm Gonna Getcha Good" as they did the deed. Damn third-grade thugs. Hate you. But now is our time to cherish the weeks spent with Siobhan, recall her greatest hits, and ponder what could've been had she entered the Top 5. And scream and scream.

Legacy: Glue Girl for life.

She's the kindergartener with three pigtails and weird markers who doesn't just enjoy the glue, the way it hardens and drips down her forehead and esophagus and Mrs. Uznanski's jumper -- she understands the glue and researches it during recess with a library card. She's up to date on glue topics. When second grade rolls around, she'll give an oral report on Elmer's School Glue (fave) and offer damning evidence to suggest that the glue industry is maligned and that dead horses stopped being involved generations ago. Ultimately her classmates won't be responsive because they're not in cahoots with glue like Siobhan. And anyway, they all heard that she eats construction paper and licked Andrew Garcia on the butt. So you shouldn't talk to her. Duh.

Also: She screamed at the end of songs and gave the latter half of season nine it's most thrilling moments. She has rendered "Paint It Black" and "House of the Rising Sun" untouchable. Miss her bigtime already.

What Could've Been: A beaming version of "They Can't Take That Away from Me" during Sinatra week. An ethereal retooling of "I Feel Love" during Disco Week. An updo made from an actual beehive during Girl Groups week.

We Will Miss Most: Her fearless howl. Her tender moments in "Wicked Game" and "Across the Universe." Her urgency. Her abrasive Yoda impression. And perhaps most, her languid backtalk with Simon: "Well Simon, I really feel that... being an artist... is about being unsure... but trying new things... but not being afraid of the original artist... and just trying to have fun... but in a serious way... while wearing a three-piece denim Teen Skipper ensemble paired with wedding dress fragments... and my sisters... and the dream. Fin."

Philosophical Conundrum: You have to wonder how this will affect the glassblowing community.

Closing Remarks: I'd pegged Siobhan for a Top 2 finish, and this is easily the most grueling elimination since Didi Benami. But the only way to bid adieu to Siobhan is the same way she always signed off with us -- a freaky monster scream: NOOOOOOOO-AHHHHHH-EHHHHHHH-AHHH-EH-AH-EH.



Comments

  • I LOVED that she got eliminated. I didn't think they were going to make my night, and they did.
    Let me know what you think of my recap:
    http://iamnoahjames.com/2010/04/29/idolspec-top-6-results-show-4282010/

  • Citizen Bitch says:

    That scream was 2 seconds too long and the dress made the whole thing seem dated. Otherwise, good job.
    Is Bowsersex still on this program?

  • D Chance says:

    Well put article. She was by far my favorite. This elimination proves that AI is not a singing nor talent competition. It's a teeny-weiner popularity contest based on none of the above. I suspect that if the voting is accurate and honest, most of the votes were cast by people who don't even know what a musical scale is and wouldn't know pitch if it hit them from behind.
    Like her or hate her, she is going to be BIG! I've always liked artists who do their own thing, who go and and say, "This is who I am", instead of saying, "This is who I think you want me to be." That is Siobhan - like her or hate her, she is who she is and I love it.
    I think it will just take some time for her to sync in to some heads. She is amazing.

  • Mike says:

    I can't believe that Siobhan is gone - I guess the myth about country week taking out one of the biggest competitors each season has some truth to it. With only 5 people left, it's harder to say who should go next - I don't think it should be Casey even though America seems to be implying that. I'm gonna go out on a limb here...but Michael or Aaron? What do you think? http://thesmogger.com/2010/04/29/idol-hangover-the-final-five

  • Louis Virtel says:

    I concur on all counts. She needs a "Bleeding Love"-style single first.

  • Jamie says:

    I loved Siobhan for performances just like this one. She had waned a bit sometimes (though not this week), but I always wanted to see what she was going to do next. But she will still be successful. She's too interesting to disappear. Besides, Jennifer Hudson also missed the Top 5 and she seems to be doing fine in showbiz, no?
    That said, I really can't take anyone else except Bowersox at this point.

  • Alan de Beer says:

    Just like Chris Daughtry.... Siobhan will be the biggest selling artist of this years American Idols!! She is y far the most talented singer there!! You go GIRL!!! Cant wait to buy your CD'S!!
    Alan

  • Jeff Firkey says:

    I've signed up for your news feed after reading this article! Could you put up more on this subject in future articles?

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