Heroic Dentist Offers Crystal Bowersox the Free Teeth-Fixing She Deserves
A lot of pressure comes with being the front-runner on American Idol, from having to perform in front of tens of millions of TV viewers every week to keeping your lead despite the banalities of the Shania Twain songbook. But one observer would like to point out perhaps the most serious challenge faced by this year's presumptive winner Crystal Bowersox: Her teeth.
Or rather: The media-readiness of her teeth. Bowersox's imperfect grill has been something of a going concern this season among a certain Idol subculture, second perhaps only to the quality of her hairstyle. But NYC celebrity dentist Laura Torrado hopes to correct this as soon as possible with a free reconstructive effort on the singer's behalf, because according to an open letter sent Movieline's way this afternoon, she can't be a real star without it.
Despite your amazing talent, I've noticed that the media has been criticizing your teeth. A smile is the first thing that people notice, and it's unfortunate that for some people your smile has been distracting them from your voice. You are now in front of national and international audience, and I'd really like to offer my help if you're willing. As a leading cosmetic dentist in Manhattan, New York, I work with many celebrities and help then get the smiles they've always wanted -- especially since the paparazzi are on them 24/7. I'd be happy to do the same for you.
I'd like to offer you complimentary oral reconstructive services and do anything and everything from whitening you teeth, to closing your gaps. We don't have to make your teeth perfect like every other Hollywood celebrity, because that's not who you are. I'm happy to work with you to meet your needs, and do as little or as much as you like. We can really make sure that everyone sees you as beautiful and confident on the outside as we all know you are on the inside.
I really have nothing to add to this, except maybe that this is only free because the horrible "you're ugly" kicker won't sell a damn thing. Anyway, Crystal, offer stands.