United States of Tara Smackdown: So a Princess, a Therapist and John Corbett are Locked in a Basement...


Last night's installment of United States of Tara posed the age-old question: Would your rather be without shelter when a powerful tornado touches down in Kansas or locked in the basement of your neighbor's suicide house as your mother/sister/wife/crazy neighbor plays dissociative identity roulette? Click through to see which of Tara's alters took a folding a chair to the face during this week's natural disaster and which member of the Gregson clan made it out of the basement with the least emotional damage.

Round One: A "Torando" [sic] on the Horizon

As the family prepares for the natural disaster -- which for Marshall, means chewing out the local news station for misspelling "tornado," and for Kate, means dressing up in her Princess Valhalla Hawkwind costume, and for the gay neighbors, means making comfort crepes -- the storm draws closer to the Gregson residence. Once the sky turns colors, Max uses his meteorological background (sky "greenage is not good") to deduce that the storm is imminent. He orders the family to take shelter in the neighbor's suicide basement ("It's bigger").

Risks: Tara discovering a new storm-chaser personality based on Bill Paxton's character in Jan de Bont's thriller Twister.

Outcome: Instead, Tara and the family gather in the basement safely with their "gay neighbors."

Winning Personality: Tara

Round Two: Waiting Out the Storm

While the family "sh*ts it out underground," Charmaine wrestles with her own fear of confined spaces and Tara rides a tilt-a-whirl of personalities -- first Buck, then Alice, then T. for a split second, then Gimme and then Shoshanna, who overpowers the rest.

Risks: Destruction.

Outcome: Fortunately for the family, Tara transitions into her most productive alter, Shoshanna PhD, for the length of the tornado. After unsuccessfully trying to advise Kate on her anger, Shoshanna turns her focus on Charmaine by announcing to the entire basement that she is pregnant with Neil's baby, not Nick's.

Winning Personality: Shoshanna

Final Score: Tara: 1, Shoshanna: 1

Bonus Round: Surviving Tara

Which immediate family member survived Tara's own tornado with the least emotional damage? Let's see. Kate's anger continues to build inside her. John Corbett realizes that he is no match for Shoshanna. Charmaine is outed by her own sister's alter. But Marshall cements a new relationship with his gay neighbor ("Have you always been this smart?").

Winning Family Member: Marshall