Dancing with the Stars Bruno Tonioli Heart Attack Meter: Samba/Swing Week

Chad Ochocinco

Score: 24

Bruno Tonioli Heart-Attack Meter: 7 (minor amnesia, roof-raising)

Comments: "One of your best yet! Licky licky for me sometime? No? Next."

Nicole Scherzinger

Score: 26

Bruno Tonioli Heart-Attack Meter: 10 (spleen, appendix, heart all leaping out of nearest orifice, will die tonight)

Comments: "I DIE TONIGHT. NICOLE, YOU WERE A SINGULAR SENSATION. AND I'M HAVING A VISION. OF THE LONGSHOREMEN OF MY YOUTH. THERE THEY ARE. FLOATING NOW. SING ME TO SLEEP, SWEATY BOAT MEN. STRIP FIRST. THANK YOU." (Dies.)

Pamela Anderson

Score: 22

Bruno Tonioli Heart-Attack Meter: 5 (tongue snatches fly off lip, involuntary breast jiggles)

Comments: "And I'm back! Another week, another great character from Pamela. It's Angelina, the sultry Latina. The blossom of the pampas, ready to be plucked -- but not without a fight!* Good groin near the end too."

• This was actually stated.

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