Celebrity Apprentice Recap: 5 Totally Unprofessional Quotes

3. Curtis Stone: "F*ck the traffic in this city. We can't get all this sh*t done."

If Sam the Eagle were a little hotter, blonder, more Australian, and possessed a cussing problem and spatula, he'd be Curtis Stone. The famous chef worried his team was doomed when Our Girl Summer Sanders forgot to bring a CD from HQ. He expressed his anger with the aforementioned swear-jar filler. Unprofessional and a little hot. Bad and very, very bad, if you will. Don't do it again/keep it up!

2. Bret Michaels: "I'm just a man that wants to learn about physical education. That's why I'm staring at Maria's buns of steel."

I'm a ponytail-to-spurs Bret Michaels zealot, so his scary medical condition hindered my viewing experience this episode, bigtime -- even if he was clearly having a ball arranging the workout with Maria Kanellis and Sharon. But come on. Let's get a load of that quote. The Rock of Love troubadour's quest for delicate poontang knows no restraint. Unprofessional though his Maria-ogling was, it also epitomizes our love affair with the man. Workroom-inappropriate and love-bus-ready forever.

1. Bret Michaels: "Pump up the wiener!"

Of course I'm not done with Bret. Happy Monday! When he, Sharon and Maria began conceiving moves for their "Fitness Concert," Bret made everyone "check it out" with choreographed ideas like "the groupie thrust," "the top bunk thrust," "the backstage pass," "the menage a trois," "the hangover," and "worshiping the porcelain god." Yeah, Jack Lalanne will just sit those out. Worst/best of all, he initiated a pelvic gyration accompanied by the encouraging direction, "Pump up the wiener!" I don't what to say to the word "wiener." And neither did the 24-Hour Fitness trainer, who gave us the most unamused smirk of the past thousand years. Don Trump Jr. has a new role model in this smirk. Thanks for rendering us all speechless, Bret. Please get better double-quick -- the world's top-bunk thrust is aimless without you.

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