5 Haiku Inspired by the Brand-New Eclipse Trailer


When you're a 30-something straight dude who's already said pretty much everything he can say about The Twilight Saga: Eclipse, and a new trailer avails itself to the world on Friday afternoon, there's really only one rational way to approach it: Through the contemplative medium of poetry, seventeen syllables at a time.

· Edward I get, but

what is Joan Jett doing here?

No abs to be found.

· Shapeshifters versus

an army of vampires --

the CGI stink.

· Dakota Fanning,

please tell me you have more lines

than just, "Yes, it is."

· Can this film earn back

its huge contact-lens budget

opening weekend?

· Listen carefully!

You can hear the squeeeee from here.

VERDICT: Matters not.

[via Moviefone]