Stephen Baldwin Needs Your Donations, Right Now, Because of God

Until recently, the most cringe-inducing thing I had read in quite some time was The Onion's new, spot-on article, "Sad Sack Purchases Screenwriting Software" ("Norgren, whose script ideas were literally too sad to print here, said he likes films with smart dialogue and characters who overcome obstacles"). Then, I stumbled across the website The Restoration of Stephen Baldwin.

Let's ease you in slowly. Here's the mission statement:

Stephen Baldwin of the famous "Baldwin Brothers" Hollywood clan is a veteran actor who has starred in over 60 films and TV shows. He is no stranger to the Hollywood life of glitz, glamour and the public eye.

In 2003, he had an experience that changed his life forever. He became Born Again Christian, giving his life to Jesus Christ. Over the next few years, he became very vocal about his faith, using his spotlight to boldly preach the gospel. However, because of this convictions it has caused him the loss of many jobs and the most recently, a highly publicized bankruptcy.

He has been publicly ridiculed and insulted by people who think that he has been abandoned by God. A simple search through the internet will reveal that people not only mock Stephen, but mock God.

In response to this (with the permission of Stephen's ministry President Daniel Southern) we have established RestoreStephenBaldwin.org. A privately funded and managed website. Our vision is to see Stephen Baldwin publicly restored in front of millions.

...through giving the bankrupt star your money, if that wasn't clear.

Where did all of Baldwin's own wealth go? Perhaps to the creation of this professional-quality "Give Stephen Baldwin, the modern-day Job, your money" video:

And then there is this site Q&A, written by...I'm not really sure:

Q- Why does Stephen need personal wealth?

A- Stephen's influence is in Hollywood. Hollywood worships money and without it you are seen as a loser and cannot be an effective influence to this group.

Q- How much money does he need?

A- From what I read in public court documents Stephen needs several million dollars to pay all of his creditors but he deserves hundreds of millions for his Job like faithfulness in the face of relentless loss and persecution.

Q- What percentage of a gift actually reaches Stephen?

A- 100% goes directly into his bank account through online gifting.

Q- What about other people who are hurting in this economy?

A- Those that just came to your mind mail them a token gift also.

Things were so much more innocent two years ago, when Stephen Baldwin's biggest worry was how best to tattoo his body to impress an underage starlet. The financial crunch has hit us all so hard.

The Restoration of Stephen Baldwin [Website]

Restore Stephen Baldwin Is REAL! [Videogum]



Comments

  • TurdBlossom says:

    Guess he can't hit up Alec for money...

  • metroville says:

    That last answer from the Q&A is quite sage. "You have this website's (God's?) permission to give other broke people your money, just as long as the star of the direct-to-DVD Slapshot 2 gets a piece."

  • SunnydaZe says:

    "Q- What percentage of a gift actually reaches Stephen?
    A- 100% goes directly into his bank account through online gifting."
    Okay, as long as Danial doesn't get any I'll send $1000. God bless.

  • carg0 says:

    i have not the words...

  • Michael Adams says:

    On the front page of the site it says his conversion happened in 2002. After the jump, it becomes 2003. Donate now to employ a proofreader!

  • LickyDisco says:

    What the holy hell? The only token Mr. Megimmemine would get from me is a well placed boot to the head. Grow a pair, get a real job, and quit begging, ya goon!

  • haynesholiday says:

    What's the line in TROPIC THUNDER about "sending you a hobo's dick cheese instead?"

  • Peedge says:

    I would donate only if the money was used to buy Stephen a plane ticket so he could leave the US, just as he promised to do if Obama won the presidency on Fox News.

  • i love god to but think this is wrong says:

    This is so wrong to ask people to bail out somone who has been wreckless with there welth this church should be assamed of itself this is why i have so much trouble getting people to come to GOD they hear stories like this and want no part of him

  • JamesWilson says:

    Never in my long life, and I strongly believe that never in the history of Christianity have Christians been more persecuted. This seems to be world-wide. Baldwin is deep in debt, like many Americans today. The question is how did he get there? Has he lived a frugal life, a life in the manner stated in both the old and new testaments? I cannot judge. I do know that 3.2 million is a hell of a lot of money. What was it that the old comedian use to say; "the devil made me do it"...Flip Wilson.. If only a few dollars went to a group like Focus Adolescent Services, http://www.focusas.com they could make it last for a long time. For twenty years Focusas has been saving the lives of American children. I am told that over one million people visit their site for help a Month. That seems like a lot to me. I find it sad, but am glad that they offer a free telephone help line. They are just one of many who are working to save the children in America. When I read that one in eight American children are hungry it makes me ill. We all do what we can. Most of us do it without wanting any recognition. Place it on your scale. Is it a better thing to help Stephen Baldwin,( when his brother could write a check and settle the matter), or is it better to send a buck or to to Focusas.com or any other group and help to save the children in our country?

  • stolidog says:

    HAHAHAHAHA
    "Assamed"
    HAHAHAHAHAHA

  • Shain Dalton says:

    I have been around the world and back again, but I can't believe the people of the US can't help out! We give to every other cause, why not a Christian? He did not waste his money, he turned down work because it wasn't accwptable to him as a Christian. Why not support a man who stood up for what he belives, instead of every other actor/actress in Hollywood!

  • Jobless Christian Amercian says:

    Are you fucking kidding me?

  • Xiocomara says:

    Wasn't he the Baldwin in Dr. Drew Pinsky's drug rehab. Dare I say his money must have all gone up his nose and that's why he has no money now? I'm not trying to be unking - yes I am, but he's certainly had lots of opportunities to make money and did have a lot of money. Now that he's misspent it he tries, in true Republical fashion, to make himself into a victim. I'm sure he never gave so much as a thought to the regular joes who go to work everyday and have nothing to show for it, but now that he's "bankrupt" he's crying out for help. Don't know what makes him feel he has a right to create a begging website - McDonald's is hiring...

  • No One Significant says:

    "Never in my long life, and I strongly believe that never in the history of Christianity have Christians been more persecuted."
    That part was sarcasm, wasn't it?

  • Lucas says:

    actually he did waste quite a bit of his money, and lived beyond his means. Which is what put him in debt as much as the turning down of jobs and the not getting jobs because he developed a rep for trying to convert folks on set like that was the real job he was being paid to do.
    And given the state of things and the folks that have worked their butts off at 2 jobs to support their families and now have to live on food stamps etc, I find it distasteful and blasphemous that anyone would use God and religion in such an abusive way.

  • Lucas says:

    if he really thought that Hollywood was so unGodly etc he would have just dropped out and gotten another job. Like, I don't know, becoming a minister.

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