In Memoriam: American Idol's Newest Castoff Tim Urban

"Teflon Tim" doesn't have the American Idol stage to stick around anymore. The 20-year-old Duncanville, Texas, native was ousted after the longest Idol Gives Back special in world history. Luckily, our Hearty McFly didn't have to perform after slightly more talented singers went on like Elton John and Annie Lennox. Phew, in fact. Instead he just left us with our own thoughts -- assembled after the jump.

Legacy: Tim Urban ranks among the "smiliest" contestants in Idol's nine seasons -- which is definitely journalistic code for "most memorably shirtless." Yee-haw. He was likable as a person too, I think. You can't resist a man whose "concussed toddler" stare betrays a chipper spirit and freakishly enormous delusion about his own abilities. Sigh. Love the no-think stare.

What Could've Been: A return to the knee-slide with his take on Shania Twain's "I'm Gonna Getcha Good" (for next week's Shania theme). An unsuccessful attempt at falsetto during "You Make Me Feel Mighty Real" in Disco Week. A trenchant new food metaphor from Ellen DeGeneres, who would opt to compare Tim to, "Broccoli, you know -- sometimes I love it, sometimes I hate it. Sometimes it needs a little cheese. And I just thought you, you know, needed more cheese on that. Just a little though, right at the top. But I love your voice, you're a great person, and my best friend. Stellar job."

We Will Miss Most: The times he wised up and embraced his voice's Mattel walkie-talkie range (ages 3-6). His takes on "Hallelujah" and "Come On Get Higher." The time he ruined music history with that reggae version of "Under My Thumb." The chance for him to say to Simon Cowell, just once, "Doc, you incinerated Einstein!" after a particularly excruciating judgment. His polygonal face. Seriously, this guy should star in a beach volleyball video game on the Sega Saturn.

Closing Remarks: Tim, you were a jocular competitor and standout TV presence. But you wasted so much time keeping those itchy, charisma-stunting shirts on. You know what Kara meant by giving an "honest performance," right? She meant stripping wildly and with groin undulation. Just ask Casey James, who still bursts into tears at the site of any 40-year-old woman with probing snowman eyes.



Comments

  • Mike says:

    I think it may have finally been the right time for Tim to leave. Although he wasn't the best singer, he was certainly optimistic and brought a fun vibe to the group. Looking forward, I think Aaron and Michael are in trouble. Is a Crystal-Lee-Casey showdown at the end inevitable? http://thesmogger.com/2010/04/22/idol-hangover-the-six-survivors/

  • OldTowneTavern says:

    Ah, the Sanjaya of the season was finally toppled. It happens to all the pretty, empty things eventually.

  • stolidog says:

    Please let me know when he starts modeling underwear and dating Miley Cyrus. Thanks.

  • Dennis says:

    The only thing that kept Tim Urban on that show for as long as he stayed was the fact that young girls and maybe some gay guys loved his looks. I am a man and I don't doubt my sexuality at all and yes I will admit he is a good looking guy; but that is not what the show is all about. OK he had a decent voice; but not worthy of holding the title of "American Idol". of course neither does Lee; but I'll bet my left testicle that he will win it, not only because of the girly votes; but I also blame the panel of judges. I am not sure what they were listening to when he performed; but to say that he is better than Bowersox has got the be the grossest mis-statement of the show's history. He should win this hands down over him. Something is wrong in the soup here.

Post a Comment

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s