In Memoriam: American Idol's Newest Castoff Tim Urban
"Teflon Tim" doesn't have the American Idol stage to stick around anymore. The 20-year-old Duncanville, Texas, native was ousted after the longest Idol Gives Back special in world history. Luckily, our Hearty McFly didn't have to perform after slightly more talented singers went on like Elton John and Annie Lennox. Phew, in fact. Instead he just left us with our own thoughts -- assembled after the jump.
Legacy: Tim Urban ranks among the "smiliest" contestants in Idol's nine seasons -- which is definitely journalistic code for "most memorably shirtless." Yee-haw. He was likable as a person too, I think. You can't resist a man whose "concussed toddler" stare betrays a chipper spirit and freakishly enormous delusion about his own abilities. Sigh. Love the no-think stare.
What Could've Been: A return to the knee-slide with his take on Shania Twain's "I'm Gonna Getcha Good" (for next week's Shania theme). An unsuccessful attempt at falsetto during "You Make Me Feel Mighty Real" in Disco Week. A trenchant new food metaphor from Ellen DeGeneres, who would opt to compare Tim to, "Broccoli, you know -- sometimes I love it, sometimes I hate it. Sometimes it needs a little cheese. And I just thought you, you know, needed more cheese on that. Just a little though, right at the top. But I love your voice, you're a great person, and my best friend. Stellar job."
We Will Miss Most: The times he wised up and embraced his voice's Mattel walkie-talkie range (ages 3-6). His takes on "Hallelujah" and "Come On Get Higher." The time he ruined music history with that reggae version of "Under My Thumb." The chance for him to say to Simon Cowell, just once, "Doc, you incinerated Einstein!" after a particularly excruciating judgment. His polygonal face. Seriously, this guy should star in a beach volleyball video game on the Sega Saturn.
Closing Remarks: Tim, you were a jocular competitor and standout TV presence. But you wasted so much time keeping those itchy, charisma-stunting shirts on. You know what Kara meant by giving an "honest performance," right? She meant stripping wildly and with groin undulation. Just ask Casey James, who still bursts into tears at the site of any 40-year-old woman with probing snowman eyes.