Gleebasing: Schue Empowers the Classes, Madonna-Style

Ryan Murphy must have cut last night's hit of Glee with something wicked. How else do you explain the "Ray of Light" cheerleading routine on stilts, Kurt's Don Knotts wardrobe and Schue's use of the "awww SNAP" comeback? After the jump, Movieline recounts the the highs, analyzes the low notes and determines which numbers were just bad hallucinations. And pay attention -- there will be a pop quiz.

The impetus for last night's episode, "The Power of Madonna" was the fact that after waiting her entire career to pay homage to Madonna ("...the woman responsible for my take-no-prisoners demeanor and my subconscious tendency to always be desperately searching for someone named Susan.") Sue Sylvester's Cheerios were finally ready to pay a worthy tribute. (That, and the artist had finally made her catalog available.) The episode began with Sue ordering Principal Figgins to blast the artist's "Greatest Hits" album over the loudspeaker all day and suggesting that the school ship a few students off to New York City with only $35 in their pockets to make it Madonna-style. Beware readers, from here on out, the episode plays out like a Madonna-sponsored Lifetime special.

Schue overheard his female Glee kids using some troubling language to describe their relationships with men like -- "How do I stop a guy from getting mad at me for saying no?" and "Face it, guys just don't care about our feelings." Resisting every urge in his dancer's body to smooth-croon a verse from Aretha Franklin's "Respect" or beatbox while the ladies empower themselves with an impromptu rendition of Destiny Child's "Independent Woman," Schue calmly suggested that Rachel talk about her boy problems with Miss Pillsbury. Cue the irony soundtrack -- because Miss Pillsbury was also having intimacy problems with Schue.

Meanwhile, Schue told his male students that they have been sexist long enough and will have to complete a Madonna assignment this week to learn about equality. Kurt and Mercedes turned the assignment into a multi-media project (Sue Sylvester's frame-for-frame Vogue video) before joining the Cheerios, where they figured they could become bigger stars.

In a racy "Like a Virgin" number, three couples prepared to have sex -- Schue and Emma, Rachel and Jesse St. James, and Finn and Santana. Only Finn and Santana went through with it, but alas, Finn learned an important lesson: if you don't care about the other person when carnal acting, then you will feel nothing. By the end of the episode, the guys had learned a huge lesson -- in the spot-on words of Finn, "We've been treating the girls like crap. Not caring about their feelings. Not listening. Objectifying -- that's the right word, right?" Before the final bell rang though, there was one last game-changer: Jesse St. James joined the New Directions.

HIGH NOTES

· Was anyone else mildly refreshed to hear Madonna's own overproduced "Ray of Light" single during the Cheerios' stilt routine instead of an autotuned New Directions rendition of the song?

· The ladies' impromptu "Express Yourself" number. Light on the autotune and deserving of Schue's props, "That's what I'm talkin' bout!"

· Santana on Rachel's new romance: "Please, she's like a cat in heat. She talked about Jesse yesterday and practically sprayed the choir room."

· After turning around to see Schue behind her, Sue Sylvester tells him, "I thought I smelled cookies wafting from the little elves who live in your hair."

· Sue referring to her new Cheerios as, "Future center square Kurt Hummel there and his brassy hag Mercedes just tore that Madonna song a new one."

LOW NOTES

· Schue trying to instill self-respect in his female students by butting into their conversation with the phrase, "Sorry for interrupting your little sorority meeting."

· Granted, any Cory Monteith number requires a significant handicap (especially when he is wailing on a drum kit) but Finn and Rachel's mash-up of "Borderline" and "Open Your Heart" last night still rated among the lower moments of the night.

· Where was Idina Menzel?

GLEESARY

W.W.M.D. - (n.) An abbreviation for What Would Madonna Do? According to Sue Sylvester, the answer is always "date a younger man."

Mayor of Gaytown - (n.) Any homosexual as in, "Look girl, don't ask me. The last guy I liked was the mayor of Gaytown. I can't wait for a guy getting mad at me for saying 'No.'"

Vampire Makeup - (n.) Artie uses this phrase to describe Tina's dark eyeliner and bold eye shadow shades.

POP QUIZ

1. For Sue Sylvester, simply saying the word _____ makes her feel powerful. "Even in voice over."

a) Grammy

b) Cheney

c) Madonna

d) Champion

2. "A la Madonna," Sue Sylvester tells her Cheerios that she will "no longer acknowledge that [they] have...

a) Feelings

b) Last names

c) Naturally brunette heads of hair

d) Regular Botox injections

3. Quinn was upgraded to three lines last night. Which of the following dialogue did she not say?

a) "Would you please stop talking, you're grossing out my baby."

b) "You wouldn't understand Mr. Schue, you're a guy."

c) "The fact is that women still earn 70 cents to every dollar that a man does for doing the same job. That attitudes starts in high school."

d) "I don't want my baby to be a glee club orphan, Puck."

4. When Puck saw the name "Madonna," his initial response was...

a) "Didn't da Vinci paint her or something?"

b) "That's the artist that stopped my gay uncle from committing suicide."

c) "Total b*tch. What? She is."

d) "Hall of fame MILF"

5. What is Schue's response when Miss Pillsbury tells him that she is finally ready to have sex with him?

a) "Great, I'll get some champagne, flowers and antibacterial gel."

b) "I was actually thinking that we should hold off on the intimacy just until my divorce is finalized and the Glee club gets its new uniforms. I need to keep my priorities straight."

c) "Emma, I don't want to force you into anything. I would wait until fingerless gloves and crimped hair came back in style for you."

d) "Cool."

Answers on the second page.

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Comments

  • Jodi says:

    I actually thought the "Borderline"/"Open Your Heart" duet was quite excellent. 100x times better than "Express Yourself." And great episode overall.

  • tara says:

    I loved the Borderline/Open Your Heart duet as well! So much fun!

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  • ArticleLover says:

    I really love movies I could not really live without...

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  • Caleb Calton says:

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  • Sunni Mosby says:

    Gen. Stanley A. McChrystal's disparaging criticism of the Obama administration's top officials has given the president a stark choice: overlook comments that fringe on rebellion, or fire his top commander at a important moment in Afghanistan. I wouldn't want to be in Obama's situation right now, even if these two men are assembling now to discuss it through. Most stupid to make public destructive remarks about your boss like that though.

  • Not sure that Obama should have removed General McChrystal. How will this affect the midterm election?

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