Introducing Gleebasing: Your Guide to Glee's High and Low Notes
Glee is kind of like crack. The first time you do it, you get an incredible high, but as you continue using, you feel less euphoric and more chemically dependent. You become paranoid ("Schu is trying to Benedict Arnold his own club!"), delusional ("Cory Monteith actually has a really good voice!") and pretty soon, you're shivering in the bathtub with a Glee soundtrack skipping in the living room and no more clean spoons in the house.
If you share the same weakness, join Movieline each week to relive the highs, work through the lows, and earn extra credit off of your addiction. And pay attention -- there will be a pop quiz.
After winning Sectionals, the New Directions team returned last night to find that their victory had not won them the respect of their peers. Rachel and Finn dated for a few minutes before Finn listened to his "inner rock star" and changed his one-woman ways. Rachel rebounded with the star of a rival glee club (played by Lea Michele's Spring Awakening co-star Jonathan Groff). Meanwhile, the rest of the glee club gnawed scenery and fought over stray filler lines like "I don't think so" and "Whatever."
In the administration, Sue Sylvester had wormed her way back into the McKinley halls by blackmailing Principal Figgins. Eager to take down Schu's beloved team once and for all, she set her sights on Rachel with the help of her dim-witted Cheerios, but unfortunately, Sue's zingers last night were a little rusty ("You two should be wetting yourself with shame").
Even though Schu and Emma were free to date each other, they struggled to find comfort in their new relationship and faced a few obstacles like bitter ex-wives and aggressive Broadway stars. And no, Terri Schuester's fake pregnancy was never mentioned.
· Rachel's foot-stomping, hand-clapping version of "Gives You Hell." Lea Michele's songs usually sound the least autotuned but this number had the added bonus of class participation that was so enthusiastic that even Schu rolled his eyes and crossed his arms as if to say, "What are you going to do with a class that loves to sing so gosh darned much? Now someone give me a beat so that I can white man rap the chorus."
· Brittany and Santana's date with Finn: "Did you know that sharks are just gay dolphins?"
· Idina Menzel as Emma's competition for Schu. Now that Coach Tanaka and Terri are (mostly) out of the picture, Schu and Emma need other hurdles that will keep their relationship souring from before its expiration date.
· The club's performance of "Hello, Goodbye" -- add it to the set list!
· Finn's rendition of "Hello, I Love You." In the producers' defense though, viewers should have known that his song would be weak when it was prefaced by, "Maybe I can find out who I am and complete my assignment."
· Too. Little. Kurt.
· Sue Sylvester's Spinster Club -- a hilarious idea in theory but a less than hilarious idea when the overweight actors are making joke about watching Ghost Whisperer instead of going to homecoming.
Pulling a Jessica Simpson - (v.) Gaining 40 pounds after your significant other breaks up with you.
Pearly white harbor - (n.) When Schu sneak-attacks you with a surprise kiss.
Bruckheimer night - (n.) An evening devoted to all Jerry Bruckheimer movies.
1. What was Quinn's only line this episode?
a) "I'm pregnant!"
b) "No Finn, I have a new boyfriend."
c) "Uh, Mr. Schuster, either I just stepped in slushy or my water broke."
d) "I'm pregnant, not deaf."
2. Fill in the blank. Schu tells Finn, "You're a rock star, Finn. Like _____ and _____."
a) Bon Jovi and Billy Joel
b) Cobain and Hendrix
c) Jagger and Morrison
d) Ann and Nancy Wilson from Heart
3. What break-up line does Finn use with Rachel?
a) "I'm going to be a father. I'm in high school. I think I need some time to work on myself."
b) "I'm just really confused, Rachel. And it wouldn't be fair to you if I was singing "Love Sick," and thinking about someone else."
c) "You're really awesome but I think I need to connect to my inner rock star before I can commit to one woman."
d) "I hate to drop you off in Dump City but I have to. Don't hate me."
5. How does Kurt answer the phone when he is home?
a) "What up?"
b) "Who dis be?"
c) "Ahoy, ahoy!"
d) "No, she's dead. This is her son."
(SFX: A bell rings, signaling the end of this week's Gleebasing lesson)