Dancing with the Stars Recap: Introducing the Bruno Tonioli Heart-Attack Meter

· Aiden Turner

Song: "Live Like We're Dying (Slight Rumba in Line for Boston Market Dessert Buffet Minimix)"

Technical Score: 15

Performance Score: 18

Bruno Tonioli Heart-Attack Meter: 3 (Wooziness, slightly syncopated palpitations)

Comment Summary: "HELLO, Zoolander! As for the rest of your body, you didn't flow. Your blue steel did not make for the likewise balls. I'm sorry."

· Nicole Scherzinger

Song: "The First Time Ever I Saw Your Face (Slow Rumba Hell Super Edit)"

Technical Score: 25

Performance Score: 25

Bruno Tonioli Heart-Attack Meter: 7 (Involuntary jumping jack, gyrating ass makes first attempt to leap off body)

Comment Summary: "SULTRY. MAGNIFICENT NOUGAT COMPLEXION. WANT TO HEADBUTT. And yet the sex suffered. Don't get me wrong: You're still my ah-ooh-gah slippery womanchild. That's you. Bark, bark."

· Jake Pavelka

Song: "Never Met a Girl Like You Before (Iggy Pop Cruiseline Tango)"

Technical Score: 19

Performance Score: 19

Bruno Tonioli Heart-Attack Meter: 2 (Playful thump)

Comment Summary: "Jakey Jake Jake. Your soul wasn't it. You've got to clean this up -- it can't be messy. WHERE ARE THE ASS-ON-FIRE TROUSERS I LENT YOU? You looked fresh out of them. Did you forget to pick them up? Easy mistake. Meow."

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