50 Things I'd Rather Do Than Watch the New Sex and the City 2 Trailer
Who's ready for the new Sex and the City 2 trailer, which plunks Carrie Bradshaw and company right where you knew their destinies would always take them: Abu... Dhabi? What? Forget it. Sometimes you just know when something stinks, and I would sooner tattoo my eyelids than watch this effing thing. In fact, I can think of a million other things I would do before I watched a frame of this garish, overextended, ovary-tickling twaddle. For starters:
1. Babysit Sarah Palin's children
2. Inherit the killer-whale show at Sea World
3. Suck the hairspray out of Donald Trump's comb-over
4. Competitively eat, like, anything
5. Lose my mobile phone
6. Vacation at Abu Ghraib
7. Live on the Staten Island Ferry for 30 days
8. Have my own humiliating Family Feud category
9. Sit on my glasses -- naked
10. Spend an hour in a sleeping bag with Glenn Beck
11. Dispose of the biohazard waste in Heidi Montag's plastic surgeon's office
12. Gulp every last pill in Liza Minnelli's medicine cabinet
13. Marry Dennis Hopper's ex-wife
14. Lose my Social Security card
15. Pogo-stick across the 405
16. Move to Kyrgyzstan
17. Wingwalk
18. Eat a 48-oz. breast-milk cheeseburger
19. Re-watch this year's Oscars
20. Listen to the entirety of Lou Reed's Metal Machine Music -- on headphones
21. Sleep on a bed of used NFL jock straps
22. Convert The Godfather to 3D
23. Lick George Lucas's wattle
24. Lose my wallet
25. Change the oil in each of Jay Leno's cars
26. Direct Breaking Dawn
27. Chew the head off Iron Man 2's evil cockatoo
28. Handwrite all of the dialogue to every Police Academy movie, up to and including Michael Winslow's voice-sound effects
29. Adopt a Gosselin
30. Own MGM
31. Smoke a menthol cigarette through an asbestos filter
32. Clean up after all of Sharon Osbourne's dogs
33. Clean up after Ozzy Osbourne
34. Lose my iPod
35. Be stranded in outer space
36. Tumble down a flight of stairs
37. Cancel baseball season
38. Yodel the Bible
39. Appear in drag on Chatroulette
40. Dethorn the entire White House rose garden with my teeth
41. Raise pigeons
42. Stare into an atomic explosion
43. Convert to Scientology
44. Lose my house keys
45. Perform a bris
46. Reunite Color Me Badd
47. File for bankruptcy
48. Sequelize The Runaways
49. Wash, dry and detail all the taxi cabs in New York
Comments
John Corbett should never be trusted. Ever.
I really wish I'd written this list. But why stop at 50?
51. Watch the Kardashian family perform the entire unabridged text of Hamlet.
Re: #30. Ouch. I mean.. roar.
I would only see this if the whole thing was shot from the POV of a C.I.A. drone.
who really cares what you do?
Now there's an idea. You mean the whole trailer, right, not the entire movie? Because if it were the whole movie, then that drone had better be firing.
Apparently... you? And I appreciate it.
lame misogyny, no one paid you to write that did they?
cause woh, haven't seen something that sucky in quite some time
Central Command has given clearance to engage...the whole movie!
#51 Read anything on the Gawker Media websites.
Has South Park ever done an episode about the Sex and the City mania? I think it's time
What the HELL are you trying to say about Color Me Badd?
#52 - Be Robert Pattinson's acting coach
#53 - Be a producer on Jersey Shore
#54 - Have Spencer Pratt as an employee/co-worker
What happened between you and Gawker? (Your comments cracked me right up)
no. 1 should be trust obama to do what he promises
those are damn good!
Add have your taint tattoo'd to that list.
#117 Scrape eight hundred boogers with my fingernails from a blackboard at a school for training hunchback Catholic priests.
#118 Catch the annual harvest of coconuts in Boa Boa with my teeth.
#119 Think of something else gross
So you are not in the demographic. Big deal.
Yes! But not very much, if that makes you feel any better.
You know what they say about opinions.., and yeah, you are one ! lol
Drive through the ghetto in a Mercedes than listen to Nobamas BullSh*t
I'd rather brush my teeth with barb wire and gargle with lemon juice and salt.
WOW -- You must have forgotten your HAPPY MEDS - such misguided ANGER -- try being angry at something that MATTERS. Like paying too many taxes? OH ok, you're not old enough. I see.
I'd rather co-host anything with Regis Philbin or watch 6 straight episodes of the Tyra Show than see that useless trailer.
Awesome post. I couldn't agree more. LOL
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