Say Whaaaa? Spielberg Has Asperger's, Rip is Innocent, and More of the Week's Most Unbelievable Crap

Everyone at Movieline HQ can't wait to hightail it to the holiday weekend, but we had to wait for the Say Whaaaa? Singers to drop in from Good Friday mass before anyone could head out. Thankfully, they've arrived, and they've brought their incredulity at this week's most insane, outrageous and otherwise head-exploding news items with them. Let's make this quick, fellas; we've got Peeps to eat.

5. Jamie Foxx again

Right on schedule, Jamie Foxx and the crew of his Sirius radio show dropped a bucket of acid on the head of a celebrity, then kept pouring it on after nothing remained but the echoing screams of the dead. Which wouldn't generally matter, except that any time a rant about sexual-abuse victim Robin Quivers begins with, "Didn't Robin have problems with her father?" and ends 10 minutes later with, "Daddy, do I have to swallow?".... Say whaaaa? Yeah. I mean, Jamie. Jamie. We get it. Enough, already.

4. Let it go, Duncan Jones

Listen, Duncan, you're a swell chap. I loved your feature debut Moon, and I was right there with you hoping its star Sam Rockwell might eventually gain some traction in last year's awards race. But regarding your Twitter tantrums about not earning enough revenue off the film's DVD sales: Say whaaaa? If you've got a legal beef, then take it to court. Otherwise, memo to Duncan Jones: You made an art-house movie about a man's lunar existential crisis. Just because your dad David Bowie still gets quarterly checks for "Space Oddity" doesn't mean you're entitled to a cash windfall for your tiny sci-fi indie that (unfortunately) nobody saw. Welcome to the film industry.

3. The Fey ultimatum

Commenters were split on whether or not Tina Fey had crossed the media line by insisting journalists sign a weird sort of non-disclosure agreement prior to interviews. But there are only two commenters who matter at this moment, and they respond, "Say whaaaa?" It's Fey and her people's job to limit access and information to journalists internally, not the other way around. It's called "moderation." You do your job, we'll do ours.

2. Rip Torn, innocent man

Cops last year found the armed 79-year-old actor having drunkenly broke into a bank he thought was his house. This week, he pleaded not guilty anyway to charges including criminal trespass, carrying a gun without a permit, carrying a gun while intoxicated, burglary and criminal mischief. "Say whaaaa?" And that was just the judge's reaction. Good luck with that, Rip.

1. Steven Spielberg's secret

Touting her and her husband's book about their Asperger's-afflicted son on NPR, baseball wife Shonda Schilling matter-of-factly and, well, hilariously stated that Steven Spielberg has Asperger's syndrome. Say whaaaa? I'm... I'm... ugh. Sometimes there are no words.