Ben-Hur Stadium Spectacular Coming to a Baffled Venue Near You

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For years now, the world has exploited Australians' affinity with ye olde-time/alternate-universe swords and/or sorcery. Just hand them a big blade -- and possibly a dress -- and you're ready for the greenlight. Russell Crowe rocked the Maximus in Gladiator. Geoffrey Rush wielded the foil in the Pirates franchise. And now Sam Worthington is a one-man toga war-party as Perseus in Clash Of The Titans. (Don't forget Eric Bana in Troy, Mel Gibson in Braveheart, Hugh Jackman in The Fountain and dozens more going back to Errol Flynn in The Adventures Of Robin Hood. You get the idea.) Now -- finally! -- the world is repaying the kindness by bestowing upon Sydney a production of Ben-Hur that's bigger than Ben-Hur -- and so kitsch looking it might've come from an alternate reality where Showgirls is Citizen Kane. And the best part: It's on tour! Click through for details and the thrilling-ish trailer.

From the official release, the basics:

Direct from Europe, this world tour premiere brings to life the classic tale made famous by the eleven time Academy Award-winning 1959 Hollywood movie Ben Hur starring Charlton Heston.

BEN HUR - THE STADIUM SPECTACULAR combines the scale of the Sydney Olympic Games Opening Ceremony with the drama of the slave who dared defy the Roman Empire.

The monumental $15 million stadium adaptation, crafted by renowned French director Robert Hossein, features a live chariot race with 32 horses, a giant Roman galleon and a grand stage which will transform ANZ Stadium into the biggest Roman amphitheatre ever seen.

Words, mere words. *Please note: Despite ticket prices in the hundreds of dollars, patrons will be required to imagine water surrounding the galleon.