California Governor Cameos in New Expendables Trailer
So let's say you're Arnold Schwarzenegger. You're the governor of California, a state suffering from an unprecedentedly upside-down economy and mass panic about jobs, education, home foreclosures and the like. You're also one of the most celebrated action stars of the last half-century, invited by one of your hallowed peers to join him in the Tough-Guy Epic to end all Tough-Guy Epics (at least until the sequel). Do you politely decline the offer, opting instead to focus on your policy and governing responsibilities at home, where they're most needed? Or do you take a few days to join the Tough-Guy Epic abroad and secure your cinematic legacy? Come on! As the new Expendables trailer proves, that's an easy one.
But what a trailer! You can practically smell the
HGH testosterone, like some monsoon of man cascading from the sky and flooding your puny dreams with gunfirey, grunty, nu-metaly precision. Don't let the plot get away from you, though (and there is a plot): A gang of mercenaries assembled by Sylvester Stallone and commissioned by Mickey Rourke head off to South America to clean house in the country of some punk-ass dictator. (Is that Eric Roberts? I'm just going to pretend it is in any case; it just makes the whole thing better.)
As per usual, Jason Statham elevates the love scene-to-fight scene ration to about 1:20, and Jet Li does the kicking and chopping, particularly to the English language ("Nosso funnee," he replies to one insult shortly before demonstrating on some unfortunate bad guy just how genuinely unfunnee it was). Rourke and Stallone grimace and flex and brood through their taut new visages, while Bruce Willis drops in to join a Stallone/ Schwarzenegger tough-guy summit. The B-players smashing into the screen are pretty awesome as well: LUNDGREN! AUSTIN! COUTURE! (The MMA fighter, not the tattered fatigues and muscle shirts, alas). All that's missing is Chuck Norris. I think The A-Team got him, but don't quote me on that.
Anyway, this is the stupidest trailer I've ever seen, and now I can't wait to view the whole film. Thanks for nothing, Lionsgate. And Governor! Back to work!