Let's Rig the MTV Movie Awards. Here's How!
This year, MTV has opened up its Movie Awards to a series of pre-nominations voted on by the public, which means that instead of simply voting from amongst five nominees, you can select from twenty or so suggestions supplied by MTV in every category in order to eventually count toward the five nominees themselves. Whichever interns were tasked with filling out the suggestions list at the last minute picked some doozies (this may be the only place where She's Out of My League will ever get more nominations than Avatar), and in order to pay tribute to them, we at Movieline have put together this helpful guide of the dumbest MTV-supplied suggestions that you simply must vote through, en masse, until they become actual nominations.
There are your expected R-Pattz smooches and a couple of hot lesbian liplocks from Jennifer's Body and The Runaways, but for sheer WTF-is-this-doing-here-ness, we must encourage you to vote for MTV's suggestion of Kristin Davis & Jon Favreau in Couples Retreat. Huh?
This category is stocked with worthy nominees (though nothing from Zombieland?), and then there's Zac Efron vs. Thomas Lennon from 17 Again. Either vote for them, or write in the Charlotte Gainsbourg-Willem Dafoe testicle-smashing confrontation from Antichrist.
Sorry, Christoph Waltz. We need to give this one to the emoticon-wielding Ali Larter from Obsessed.
BEST WTF MOMENT:
This spoiler-heavy category contains two clips from Movieline's underrated fave Land of the Lost, but we urge you to vote heavily for Johnny Depp's humiliating, record-scratch dance from the end of Alice in Wonderland. Never forget.
BEST ASS-KICKING STAR
MTV offers Marlon Wayans as an option. I think we need to take it.
BEST FEMALE BREAKOUT STAR
Anna Kendrick? Gabourey Sidibe? No, Audrina Patridge from Sorority Row. Let's make this happen.
BEST FEMALE PERFORMANCE
Time to stack this category. Let's make all five of these ladies the nominees: Beyoncé Knowles (Obsessed), Jennifer Aniston (The Bounty Hunter), Jennifer Garner (Valentine's Day), Katherine Heigl (The Ugly Truth), and Megan Fox (Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen). Even the People's Choice Awards would look at that lineup and go pale.
BEST MALE PERFORMANCE
I really don't know who to suggest between Christian Bale's tedious Terminator: Salvation performance and Gerard Butler for the inexplicably nominated-again The Bounty Hunter. This one is your choice!
BEST COMEDIC PERFORMANCE
Kristen Bell for When in Rome. This is your moment, Kristen!
Here are your five: 2012, 17 Again, G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra, Night at the Museum: Battle of the Smithsonian, and X-Men Origins: Wolverine. Suck it, Bigelow.