The 5 Least Essential Comments of Support For Sandra Bullock

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Nobody wants to see a couple busted up, and nobody but the other man/woman rejoices if/when it does. With that in mind, it's hard to know what the Hollywood media establishment thinks it will get out of asking celebrities for deep, profound and/or revelatory insights about the break-up process beyond, of course, "Well, that sucks." And, "I wish them only the best." The ongoing Sandra Bullock/Jesse James imbroglio (now upgraded to "separated," according to those definitive arbiters of marital status at IMDB) hasn't proven to break the cycle, but only accelerate it furiously from zero to LOL in seconds flat. After the jump, find the five least essential messages of support for Sandy (with helpful translations from PR-ese) in a time when, really, she'd probably just rather her friends -- from Betty White to Mo'Nique -- just please let it die already.

5. "I'm very surprised, especially because I know Sandra and how nice she is. She's such a great person. And what surprises me more is he always gave me the impression he was totally in love with her. It doesn't change my image of him, but I thought he respected Sandra and loved her. [...] Jesse did something very foolish -- obviously. I think it's very unfortunate. Who knows what goes on behind closed doors? But I can say this -- Sandra is a high-quality person and I respect her tremendously." -- Donald Trump

TRANSLATION: You know, maybe Sandy was a total shrew when the cameras were off and no one was looking. Who knows? I mean, I did 15 years with Ivana. You have no idea sometimes. But yeah, Sandy. Sweet girl. I'm just saying.

4. "Yes, of course, I mean for everyone." -- Keanu Reeves, asked if he had any well-wishes for Bullock.

TRANSLATION: What about Jesse? Oh, wait.

3. "I think that's Sandy's business; that's not mine. I love her with all my heart. [She's] one of the greatest human beings on the planet. [...] We're all deeply, deeply saddened. At such a high-point in her life, it's tough, but I think the less other people have to say about it and let her work it out, it is [for] the better." -- Betty White

TRANSLATION: I'm going to take the high road, if you don't mind. Oh, by the way, it totally sucks and is unfair. But no comment.

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2. "To my sweet sister Sandra, my prayers are with you. My prayers are also with your husband, baby. That is between the two of you and I hope y'all make it work. [...] It's hard but that's their business. Let them go through their situation. I don't wish her nothing but happiness, along with her husband. ... I don't want to see any marriages dissolve or break up. [...] Sandra, if you need me, sugar, call me, baby..." -- Mo'Nique

TRANSLATION: But I like it now.

1. "He needs his dick cut off." -- Sharon Osbourne, on Jesse James

TRANSLATION: [None available]



Comments

  • cerealface says:

    Now, don’t mince words, Sharon...just tell us what you really think.

  • stolidog says:

    "Well, I know she insists on protection, so at least she's ok with that" Ryan Gossling
    Translation: Bitch dodged a bullet with that ho.

  • Fred says:

    I saw Trump being asked that question. I also saw the media ask Trump what he thought about the Tiger affair. It cracks me up that The Donald has become the harbinger of relationship advice and is sought out for his commentary on other people's relationship woes. Really? He's a friggin Real Estate Mogul, not a damned Psychologist.

  • Sonia says:

    Well said everyone but we did not walk in their shoes and Thou Shall Not Judge!

  • some dude named steevo says:

    “He needs his dick cut off.” — Sharon Osbourne
    Sharon needs her dick cut off too...

  • raincoaster says:

    Sharon's is bigger than Jesse's.

  • s dew says:

    I thought he was married she started dating him.

  • Becky says:

    It's unforunate that Jesse, like most men, doesn't seem to "get it." For an ego boost...for an eight second sexual thrill...a man will forget about everything and everyone. It's surely one of the top three mysteries of all time. Men will lose their jobs, the standing in the community, their homes, their wives and families...all for a quick roll in the hay with someone who is always seemingly hot at the time, but never really worth the loss. Jesse, you hurt someone who loved you immensely...it was not only really wrong, it was just plain ol' stupid. I hope your pain exceeds that of Sandra's--she didn't deserve that kick in the head.

  • Bridgette says:

    Becky, I couldn't agree with you more! It's true "what men will do" to
    feel that thrill, that feeling of being a "bad boy" and how badly he
    needs a spanking from his French teacher or whomever. In Sandra's case it was a tattooed freakazoid of nature. "Bombshell" was kind of a cross between a tattooed-riddled Dita Von Teese and a heavily tattooed Marilyn Manson. Put the two of them together and you have that weird looking tattoo parlor woman that Jesse James slept and had an emotional
    affair with! All for that 1 minute man it's a time span of 30 seconds that will change a man in a minute when it comes to orgasm. They change. My late ex-husband was having an affair after we were married 4 years, and our first newborn baby was just 5 3 months old! Apparently, she was also married and just gave birth just two months before me and she had the audacity to look me in the eyes and talk crap
    about everything. That affair broke my family up but her husband never found out about it. I wasn't going to call her husband and tell him, yet I didn't want to just drop it forever, which is exactly what I ended up doing b/c I didn't really know what to do. But it goes to show
    you that my late ex husband not only did this to me, but did it to his gf after we divorced and he would tell me about the other women.. All I
    could think of was "Once a cheater, always a cheater!" That is so true!

  • Frank Baum says:

    No matter how good the sex..most people..still tend to look elsewhere..why..because they will always need something..different...john mayer, tiger woods, jesse james, and the rest of the men in the world

  • merc says:

    Dear Becky, I agree with you also, finally someone who understands what its about. I feel for Sandra you don't have to be in the spotlight to know the hurt and pain,its unfortunate that she can't be alone right now and deal with this for awhile in her own way without camera up her ass. I was married from 1980 till 1991 2 children later nad my husband slept with my best friend ouch. In the privacy of my own room i did most of my screaming yelling punching the pillows etc.. not in front of anyone else. When i was away from home I did my other stuff (;-) well to take the edge off. Sex well i thought i'd want to do revenge sex but no i just stayed away from relationships and got myself regrouped. I hope Sandra can do the same and i hope Hollywoodland lets her. love merc

  • Robert says:

    Even before he hooked up with Sandra Bullock. I was always wondering. Why is this guy a quasi-celebrity he's a jerk-off motorcycle guy. Men who dress up in their costumes and ride around on motorcycles have issues.

  • Anne says:

    When women start respecting other women's marriage and say "NO"...but that won't happen any time soon....there's always some selfish woman ready for a quickie in hopes of...whatever. It takes two and I just expect more from women.

  • Valentina says:

    I totally agree with Sharon Osborn... ^5

  • Valentina says:

    LOL, these comments on that rat are hillarious.

  • "You can conquer almost any fear if you will only make up your mind to do so. For remember, fear doesn't exist anywhere except in the mind." ...Hope this book will help you in your efforts

  • Renata Heers says:

    Nice pick of words. Let's see what happens.

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