Eulogies for American Idol's Four Eliminated Contestants
During last night's Idol, Ryan Seacrest asked four more contestants to pack their knife-like vocals and go. While none of the castoffs seemed like contenders for the crown, they offered all-American showmanship and -- as first piano teachers everywhere call it -- pizzazz! We mourn the four lost souls after the jump.
I Will Miss Most: Your smile. It made the deranged tabby-cat vocals turn into sophisticated jaguar sighs.
What Could've Been: More "youthful" songs in the vein of "I Want to Hold Your Hand" and "The Climb." Perhaps "I Think We're Alone Now" during Mall Performer Week, and "Rubber Duckie" during Bathtub Shenanigans Week.
Eulogy: Though Simon described you as a "wind-up doll," your guitar skills and stage presence solidified you as an edgy Bratz figurine. Keep that up, I think.
I Will Miss Most: Your Anne Murray vocals. Your Ann Curry haircut.
What Could've Been: More downstairs-at-the-Days-Inn renditions that don't belong on Idol, like "God Bless the Child." We'll never get your ironically mumbled version of "I Got Rhythm."
Eulogy: You seemed like a viable candidate during the auditions, when Shania Twain complimented your "bottom end." Your upper end was a pitchy maelstrom, but hey! Your picture remains a candlelit fixture in her Moving On From Mutt hope chest.
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