Say Whaaaa? Sarandon Spanks, Murphy Lecters and More of the Week's Absurdities

It's that time again, dear reader: Time to break out the mic, scan the headlines and join together in another rousing chorus of Say Whaaaa? We found several of this week's most notable pop-culture boners, missteps, bafflements and ridicule magnets at the Sundance Film Festival, but not even Park City could contain the scope of the absurdity catalogged after the jump. Back once more to lead the charge are the beloved Say Whaaaa? Singers -- take it away, fellas!

5. Weinstein SculptureGate

One of those annual, bizarre Sundance incidents occurred Wednesday when someone attending a Weinstein Company press junket at a local art gallery knocked over and broke a $1,200 sculpture. A simple question -- did the Weinsteins pick up the tab? -- turned into an absurd he said-she said-they said circle-jerk that culminated in something akin to the Warren Investigation. Say whaaaa? Sorry I asked! Here's hoping the sales negotiations for Blue Valentine went a little smoother.

4. Geoff Gilmore, hoi polloi

Robert Redford last week offered some thinly veiled comments about the "flatlining" regime of former festival director Geoff Gilmore. But things didn't really get ugly until Gilmore -- who spent 20 years spearheading Sundance before defecting last year to Tribeca -- was spotted waiting in line with the general public before last's weekend's midnight premiere of Buried. Not that there's anything wrong with the general public (I was in the same line) but say whaaaa? Respect is due! Get this man an express pass! Next thing you know, even Sundance Hall-of-Famer Parker Posey will be denied a seat at CAA's festival party.

3. Sundance Hall-of-Famer Parker Posey denied a seat at CAA's festival party

[Reattaching jaw] Say whaaaa? Simply unacceptable.

2. Susan Sarandon spanks a pig

Say whaaaa? I know, I know, but don't worry -- it was just a man dressed as a pig onstage at an Of Montreal show, so it actually makes all the sense in the world now.

1. Simon Monjack lashes out

Just when you thought the press-hound Monjack might slither back to the cave from whence he came in the wake of his wife Brittany Murphy's untimely death, he not only filed a wrongful-death suit against Warner Bros. (whose dismissal of Murphy from Happy Feet 2 precipitated her heart attack, Monjack claimed), but also accompanied this news with his previously unpublished photo shoot featuring Murphy as Hannibal Lecter. Seriously: The guy who photographed his ailing wife as the serial-killing cannibal from The Silence of the Lambs -- and profited off it upon her death -- wants justice. Sometimes there are no words. No words, that is, except for say whaaaa?

Honorable Mention: Chris Matthews's bad memory

The MSNBC host was so moved by Barack Obama's State of the Union address that he "forgot [Obama] was black for an hour." Mr. Matthews? The Say Whaaaa? Singers would like a word with you.